Our perception of the world around us is unique to each individual. Our perceptions of the world around us shape the world around us. You’ve all heard the sayings, the most famous of which is -
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one".
You’d expect me to attribute this to Albert Einstein. I won’t though, because that is not what he said.
"For us believing physicists, the separation between past, present and future has only the meaning of an illusion, albeit a tenacious one.” ~ Albert Einstein.
That’s too much of a mouthful for our ever-shrinking attention spans, right? It’s been changed over the years, as most quotes or sayings have been. Another such saying that just never sat right with me.
“Blood is thicker than water.”
This is interpreted as family over everything else. Even if they are a toxic family member or an abusive family member, we are expected to be there for them. To pick up the pieces or fix the mess. Over the years, I learnt what the actual saying was.
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” ~ unknown.
This has the opposite interpretation. It speaks to the blood spilled on the battlefield, those bonds created in those moments are stronger than any family bond. Forged back in the days of actual blood spilled on battlefields. Battlefields have changed, literally and figuratively. I’ve always believed in choosing my family. My people.
Another one. Jack of all trades, master of none. It has mainly been used to put down someone and make them feel inferior. The actual saying, however -
A jack of all trades is a master of none but oftentimes better than a master of one.
This certainly changed my perception of things. However, I’m not here to discuss the sayings; I just wanted to point them out, as they bug me.
There are more. That’s an article for another day. There is also this perception that Albert Einstein said that we create our reality. The closest saying of his to that -
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
Close enough, really, and he’s right. I’ve had people argue that we don’t create our reality with our thoughts. If I think that wall isn’t real and try to walk through it, I’ll find out it’s pretty real. I’d counter that a part of them was still convinced it is real, and therefore, it was.
How do we convince ourselves that the brick wall isn’t real, though? 100% believe it’s not real. We’d think that there would be some sort of delusion going on.
Anyway, that’s not what the saying is even trying to convey. Our thoughts create our reality. These thoughts are based on our experiences in life and our emotions. If you believe you can’t, you are right. If you have negative emotions attached to certain things, you will always perceive them in a negative way. This will cause you emotional pain. We are hardwired to avoid pain. People say we are wired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. The truth of the matter is that we are only hardwired to avoid pain at all costs.
Addicts will seek out their chosen vice to avoid pain. While knowing fully that their vice will cause them pain. Their vice doesn’t give them pleasure; it increases their pain. Their guilt and shame. Their financial and family struggles. It gives them a temporary escape from their pain. They know this, yet they repeat the cycle. Instant gratification. Instant avoidance of the pain they are running from.
Now, I don’t really like the term hardwired. This indicates that we are unable to rewire this pattern. I believe we can, but let's start with something a bit smaller.
Our perceptions create our reality. We’ve all experienced buying a new car, or something new. Thinking, oh wow, I’ve never seen this car or this car in that colour. So you buy it and immediately see that model car, even in that colour, everywhere.
The car was always there, even in that colour. You just didn’t see it. Your brain wasn’t focused on it, so it didn’t register when you saw it. Your perception, after buying the car, had changed. Your brand-new car was front and centre in your mind.
When people say that after hurting themselves in a specific spot, Take your thumb, for example.
“Ugh. I keep hitting the same damn spot. Why?” Assuming it’s because they’ve hurt it, they are suddenly constantly hitting it on something.
You’ve always hit yourself in that spot. You are knocking your thumb on the kitchen counter, the door handle. Whatever it is. It just didn’t hurt then, so you didn’t notice it. It was a nothing event. However, when you’ve injured yourself, your perception of this pain is heightened, and every little bump is registered.
A few days before Christmas last year. (2023 for future generations to read my brilliant takes. I’m joking.) I developed an extremely sore throat that lasted about four days. The simple act of swallowing my saliva felt like glass shards coated in hydrochloric acid. I didn’t want to swallow, yet my body would keep performing this act.
I would have yelled if it didn’t hurt to breathe. Why in the hell am I swallowing so damn much? So I jumped onto chatgpt.On average, a human swallows around 15-25 times an hour when they are not eating or drinking. This frequency can vary based on individual habits, level of saliva production, and other factors. When people are awake and not actively eating or drinking, the swallowing rate can decrease to this range primarily to manage saliva.
Wow, so when eating or drinking, this rate increases. When unwell, this rate can also increase. I wouldn’t have thought we swallowed just when sitting around doing nothing, nearly once every two minutes. When you feel like you are swallowing glass shards coated in hydrochloric acid and chasing that down with tequila shots with the lemon and salt. You are very aware of every single one.
My rate of swallowing probably increased because of the sore throat as well. My perception of how many times was certainly heightened. My response to Chatgpt’s answer was, well, shut up then, who asked you?
These examples highlight how our emotions and experiences shape our perception of the world around us. The good news is we can alter our perceptions for the better. There is immense transformative power in changing one's perspective.
One example of this was back in my late twenties. My relationship had fallen apart; my wife had left. I had lost my job due to the number of times I’d taken off work, as I hadn’t heard from her, and I feared the worst. For context, she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and suffered severe depression. That’s a story for another day.
Anyway, this resulted in me being unable to afford rent, so I didn’t renew the lease when it was up. I packed my belongings into my car and lived in that car for a week while trying to find another job. It was winter, and the car leaked. It also didn’t work. I could feel myself spiralling, thinking dark thoughts. Who wouldn't be right?
I decided on Thursday night to gather what I needed the next day and end things Friday night. Only, I woke up on Friday morning in a damn good mood.
Why? I didn’t know, and I wasn’t asking. I was just rolling with it.
Shortly after, I got a call to start a new job on Monday. Shortly after that, a friend drove past where I had parked, saw me and pulled over.
After the usual greetings, he asked, what the hell was going on? I told him. He called me a dumbass for not asking, as he had a spare room, and he towed me to his place then and there. To be fair, this was before social media. It’s not like I would text every person I knew if they had a spare room. Plus, I’ve always had an issue with asking for help. I’m getting better at it. Slowly.
Now, this didn’t solve all my problems instantly. I had to buy a bike to ride to work and back daily. It was only 15 minutes, but did I mention it was winter? Strong headwinds, storms, hail, cold rain. Almost daily. It was a struggle, and I did not want to get out of bed every morning.
Every morning, I forced myself to get up early. It might have only been a 15-minute ride, normally. The adverse conditions usually meant it would take a lot longer. Plus, I wasn’t enjoying it at all. I’d have to get to work, shower and change into my dry work clothes.
So, my mental state was still suffering. This routine quickly beat out of me, the good mood from Friday morning. I was struggling. One morning, I had my earphones in as usual. I was listening to whatever music I had on there. Beautiful Day by U2 came on. Really? Is the universe mocking me now? It was a pretty crappy day, raining steadily. I was cold and tired.
Or was the universe mocking me? I thought to myself.
Wait… what? What the hell am I thinking? It’s the opposite of a beautiful day.
Is it?
At that point, I focused on a raindrop, about to drip off my helmet peak. I felt like time suddenly slowed as this droplet of water elongated to the point of no return, and dropped. The sun's rays, even though muted, still hit this drop of water and refracted the colours of the rainbow. My own personal little rainbow in a moment of time. A simple second of time that felt longer.
It was at this moment that it hit me. There is beauty all around us, in every single moment. Sometimes, we have to look a little harder. From that day on, my perception changed. It took effort to remind myself. Which I did every morning when I’d set off in less-than-ideal conditions, saying to myself,
“It IS a beautiful day.”
Whenever I falter, focusing on what’s going wrong in my life, I refocus and look for the beauty in anything. It’s always there.
I remember one time in particular, a few years later. I had a different job. I’d taken a break from being a manager, as the last workplace almost caused complete burnout. I worked, on average, 12-hour days, six days a week. That was after I’d fixed a lot of issues causing everyone to work crazy long hours. My first day there started at 6 am, and at around 5 pm, I asked the guys how much longer they usually worked for.
They laughed and said they usually finish around 9 pm on a Monday night. When I finally got out of there at midnight. Yes, a solid 18 hours with one 30-minute lunch break and two 15-minute smoko breaks. I was like, nope, I’m fixing this. I still had to do 12-hour days, as I was the only one to let the truck drivers in at 6 am and the only one to lock up when the rest of the guys finished. Which never went past 6 pm after I’d implemented all my changes. As a result, I saved the owners a tonne of money, and my reward? They cut my hourly rate from $30 hourly for every hour I worked. To $25 an hour.
Yes, that’s against the law, as many other goings on there. It's no surprise that that company is no longer in business. But after that, my confidence in my abilities had taken a hit, so I took a simple forklift loading job at a timber company.
I appreciated the change in pace, but after a while, I wanted more. So I was starting to get a bit negative about my situation. I was in the warehouse most of the day, shifting around massive packs of timber with the forklift, ranging up to about the two-tonne mark. It was dark, dirty, smelly, and just an unpleasant environment.
At this point, a Flutterby landed on a pack of timber I was moving into its place. Yes, I call them Flutterbys. Seriously, who named them “Butterflies”? A butter… fly? That sounds disgusting. I picture a scientist out there, and this beautiful little creature FLUTTERS BY them, and they think, oh yes, we will call that a butterfly. What?
Anyway, this Flutterby flutters by me and lands on this pack of timber. I stop the forklift instantly and just sit there, watching this pretty Flutterby in the most unlikely places. I reminded myself that beauty is everywhere; we just have to be open to seeing it. Change our perceptions, our moods, and our thoughts. Change our reality.
So, I challenge you to seek out the beauty that is all around you. It is a simple step to change your perception.
