My Situation
Please help! I've spent the last few years trying to find a good man. It is extremely hard to find someone that matches my criteria and when I do they just seem to take advantage of me...
They seem sweet online or in the club but after we go home and "make love", I never hear from them again. This has happened over and over again. I have had some luck with some men who are kind and nice but there's always something missing and they are just not perfect.
It seems to be a common problem! My best friends Ashlea, Ashly, and Ash all have the same issue.
Criteria
Works in Finance
Has a net worth greater than $1 Million. Ideally he earns that per annum or has some type of trust fund but I wouldn't disqualify him if it was in the smaller range of $200K pa.
Blues eyes
6ft 2
Handsome
About Me
Im a 32 year old fun loving girl that lives with my parents. I work at an accounting firm and earn $60K pa. Most of that income goes to looking beautiful doing my nails and lashes. I have 100K in debt from my student loans. I have 5K followers on Insta and I have a side hustle posting on Only Fans that generates 5K a month(nothing distasteful, only topless shots)
Lets get to Business 😉
Let's hypothetically run the numbers. We will start by analyzing that criteria and see what percentage of the world meets Ashlee's wants before we proceed. To err on the side of caution, let's take out "handsome" as it's subjective and use the following equation. For argument's sake, we use the most optimistic numbers we find. Here they are:
Percentage = % in finance × % millionaires × % blue eyes× % 6ft 2Percentage = 2% × 0.7% × 10% × 2% = 0.000028%
Damn... Its not looking good. But these estimates are roughly based on global comparisons. Ashlee lives in New York, the financial centre of the world. Lets run those numbers:
Percentage = 5% × 10% × 22% × 3.9% = 0.0427%
Now that looks a little better doesn't it. Unfortunately, like all mutual agreements we now have to analyze what Ashlees criteria partners criteria might be.
Imagine This
As a male that fits the criteria this is likely how I would introduce myself
Call me a high-flyer in finance with a penchant for the finer things, standing a neat 6'2" with eyes the color of a stormy sea. I'm on the lookout for a woman who’s as comfortable in the glow of a gala as she is in the sharp hum of a trading floor. She should appreciate a well-crafted spreadsheet as much as a well-aged wine, and match my stride whether we’re scaling corporate ladders or mountains. If you can debate market trends as passionately as you champion your dreams, we might just be an investment worth making.
We may even be talking to this chad - Davis Clarke
But thats not the point. Our poor Ashlee doesnt fit this description so, with extreme disappointment, she becomes yet another notch on Finance bros belt.
The Game and The Players that Lost
629
It may not be to everybody's taste, but the milady movement captures the trend that encapsulates IRL and online life as it slowly blurs to become a dystopia where nobody feels adequate. The fabricated and constructed online images people portray of themselves are void of the complex feelings we have as humans. Self-doubt, ugly, unwanted, sad are not emotions that we want to exert outwardly but they are real. They are a part of substance. While we optimize for growth, we yearn for the substance that is being stripped away from us.
The Solution
Instead of succumbing to the illusion that is being created, the unintuitive move is to strip the paint and see the raw material of a soul. It hurts and doesn't feel nice, but it is a necessary step to reaching a wholesome future. A recent video captures it well. We need to not look for what is but the potential of another soul with ours and what we could be together. It's looking at those unrealistic goals and finding someone who wants to achieve them WITH you. The journey is never easier, but with a complementary companion, not only do you grow with them and experience the ups and downs while forming a bond that can only happen over our most valuable asset - Time. You optimize your faults that would have taken you out of Ashlee's original criteria.
Conclusion
This post is not to criticize or to depress. It may hit close to home; it may give a visceral reaction. The purpose is to change the framing if it invokes those feelings. I am an average Joe and know full well that this may in fact guide you to make the compromises earlier than you would have to choose a partner that complements all your faults and gives the ability to act as a unit to conquer this beautiful adventure we call life. The future is often not how we imagine but there is beauty in imperfection.
