I've been having a lot of time on my hands lately. I won't go into details, but I'm between jobs, and my next one starts in June, so I'm on a semi-vacation until then.
With all this free time, I've fallen back into my usual routine of watching series and playing video games, my go-to escape when I don't have much to do.
You'd think that with all this free time, I'd dive into hobbies and interests I've always wanted to explore. But strangely enough, that hasn’t been the case.
Let me give you an example. I used to look forward to my afternoon coffee ritual every day after lunch. It was a little moment of calm that I cherished. But in the past ten days, I haven’t had a single cup.
I keep telling myself I don’t need the caffeine, but deep down, I know it’s more about avoiding something I used to enjoy.
This got me thinking about how we humans are such weird creatures. We love to rationalize our feelings and actions. When I was drowning in work, I convinced myself that my busy schedule was the reason I couldn’t pursue my hobbies.
It was an easy way to avoid facing the real issue. I blamed my workload, not my lack of motivation or fear of trying something new.
But now, without the excuse of work, I’m still not pursuing those interests. Instead, I’m stuck in a loop of video games and TV shows, and it’s starting to bore me. I thought I was decompressing from burnout, but now I’m even bored with doing nothing.
This unexpected boredom has led me to think more about how I spend my free time and what truly interests me.
It's not that I don’t want to pursue hobbies or develop new skills, it’s that I often lack the drive to start.
For example, I've always wanted to learn the flute. Despite having more free time now, I find it hard to begin. Starting something new means stepping out of my comfort zone and facing uncertainty. Plus, there's the fear of not being good enough right away, and it’s hard for me.
When I was busy, I craved leisure. Now that I have it, I feel disengaged and unfulfilled. It’s funny and frustrating how our minds work. We dream of free time when we’re overwhelmed, but when we finally get it, we realize the problem might not have been the busyness itself.
Maybe it’s the lack of structure or goals that leaves us feeling lost. Or perhaps those interests we thought we had were just distractions from stress, not real passions.
This whole thinking session has made me realize I need to be more honest with myself about what I really want and what makes me happy. Maybe I’ll rediscover my love for that afternoon coffee and other simple joys with a new sense of purpose.
For now, I’m just taking it day by day, trying to figure it all out.
Notes from last week:
It's not about the process, it's about the outcome.
What you are working on is more important than how you work on it.
Life rewards specificity and punishes vagueness.
Thoughts are not reality; they are interpretations of reality.
