The sky was full of stars. A shooting star passed by.
Dear Darling,
The whole night I spent thinking about our argument. About what had happened. How I crossed your boundaries and didn't respect your own time and space. About how I, as a man, was deep in misery, unable to regulate my emotions, which should be natural as a man. About how I put myself in the role of a victim. And about how you, at the end had to deal with my emotions and couldn't sleep.
With this letter, I would like to express my deepest apologies to you. In the hope that you will forgive me. In the hope that you wake up with a smile on your lips and a tear in your eye and not a frown on the forehead. In the hope you feel the Love I feel for you. In the hope you receive my kiss.
There are many things I need to work on in this relationship, or rather work on myself. I understand and see that. I do my best and I fall deep. Every hole I climb makes me stronger. Every fall makes me more vigilant. Every rain makes me better prepared. Yet, am I prepared for the biggest adventure which is awaiting us.
We will be getting married soon, and yet I still don't feel ready to enter into marriage with you.
Not because I don't love you. My love for you is boundless. Through you, I have really understood what love is. That love is found anew every day. That love means telling your partner that they can surpass themselves and that you are eager to be a witness of that. Love means showing support for the other person and being there for your partner, even when you're not doing so well yourself. Through you, my darling, I have understood what Love really is. Love is not just wearing pink and red glasses and pretending that everything is fine, no, love also means having conflicts and exchanging arguments, but then having the courage to grow from them, to work together on your own shadows as well as those of your partner. Together, as a team. Love means to really have the space to say everything, without being judged or blamed, but hugged by the authenticity. Love is what I discover every day with you.
No, I don't feel ready to marry you because I look up to you. I'm not on the same level as you. You can move trees and mountains with one finger. Your power is limitless. When words leave your lips, they go beyond the capacity of wisdom I can absorb. I often think that I am not worthy of marrying you. You are a great warrior and healer. You deserve the same. Yet, I often feel like the opposite. But I will not portray myself as a victim in this letter. No, I know that is not my higher self. I am much more than that. With this letter, I am breaking free from my own chains. I am not a victim but a king. I create my reality. I create what happens here and I am no longer a slave to it. What it means to walk this path is full of challenges. There are days when I face it head on and then there are those when I cannot.
I want to express my deepest gratitude to you, because you are the person, no actually you are the Queen, who showed me that the chains on my wrists are just an illusion and that I have been able to walk freely since I was born. I am still anxious about this freedom I have been given and yet I am somtimes slipping back into the old comfortable state of the shackles.
I understand that it is my job. Like I told you once in Peace:
"You can only show me the river, I am the one who have to cross."
In the reality that I create, we run together. Building a house, two houses, a whole community. We are building what our grandchildren will call home. Plants, whether vegetables, fruits or nuts, you can find everything there. Machines don't use people, but they complement them. They pick flowers for the Divine. They are kind and helpful. Everyone can live out their creativity, can express themselves through dance and painting. The wild child in each individual blossoms and from there it will cover the entire earth with flowers. At the community table we sit together with the others, laugh, play and discuss the deep meaning of being. Sorrows are there but there is a community to hold and work on them. Nobody is alone, we are a team. And together we are facing the world, internal & external. We are 108 the community of communities.
We keep saying that what we are creating here does not exist, but that is not true. It already exists in our reality. It is here. I am walking this path with you. No challenge in this world is big enough to stop me from building 108. Yet, I don't know how, but it's already there. I hold always your hand. My support is there for you. You can count on me. You may ask why? Well, because of the Love I feel for myself, for you and the world. I am in service for myself, for you and for the world.
And every day I am choosing the path with you.
You are my Love, shine of the sun & moon.
You are the beautiful flower which blossoms everyday from anew.
If someone would ask me: Why you?
I would say, because nobody is You!
With all of my heart,
RMD
Bodhilama put the letter back in the box with 'Grandparents' written on the side.
Then he took the box and put it back on the shelf from which he had fetched it.
Tears run over his face.
108 was calling him again & he decided to go back.
Stars are shining. The sky is clear.
These are the Letters of Bodhilama, a guy who lives in a time of transformation.
A guy who felt the urge to write, because nothing else made any sense.
A guy who is a student, teacher & creator of (wild)Planet108.
A solar punk finding his way on the game's journey of life.
Subscribe to become part of the stories he tells.
Subscribe to learn his insights he holds.
Subscribe for the sake of it.
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