The first time I watched 500 Days of Summer, I was confused, and I couldn’t figure out why. On the surface, the movie was fairly simple: it nicely laid out the failed relationship between a head-in-the-clouds romantic and a cynic. However, the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt about the whole thing. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and while I didn’t detest the time I spent watching the film, for some reason, I didn’t particularly enjoy it either.
Maybe what put me off was how ridiculous the whole thing seemed - Tom felt like a pushover and Summer was cold and unfeeling. I heavily disliked pretty much every character and could not relate to much on-screen.
Ultimately however, I put that weird distaste in my mouth aside and got around to watching the film again (around six months after my first watch), and though I can’t say I feel any less uneasy now, I do see the events that actually transpired in that universe a tad more clearly. For those unfamiliar, 500 Days of Summer revolves around the whirlwind romance of Tom and Summer, who are co-workers at a greeting card company.
Their relationship started off strong, with a very obvious mutual attraction that quickly evolved into something more. When the heat sizzled off, however, it was painfully clear that they were both very different people, with very different ideas on love.
Tom was an idealist; he believed in soulmates and destiny. I’m sure he believed Summer was his soulmate as well. In contrast, his girlfriend was more grounded. She didn’t believe in the mushy stuff; in fact, she made it clear from the start that she was not looking for anything serious. They were, as the Gen Z-ers so aptly call it, ‘just having fun’.
So what happens when you have such opposing views constantly clashing all the time? Drama ensues, naturally.
Interpretations of the movie, especially on internet forums, varied wildly. Some blamed Summer for leading Tom on, others called Tom out for over-romanticizing their time together. The first time around, my gut instinct was to pin the blame on Summer, although that didn’t mean excusing Tom for what I saw as needy, pathetic behaviour.
On my re-watch however, I had an epiphany: Summer wasn’t really at fault. Neither was Tom. Or to be more direct, they weren’t necessarily at fault, but they could have taken a way better approach to things. They probably would have too, had not their relationship been plagued with poor communication and unmet expectations.
But why was their relationship like that in the first place? What made a rosy, dream-like fairytale romance come crashing down so hard and so fast? I think we can chalk that up to, as mentioned before, the sheer difference in worldviews between the two lovers. How, exactly? Let’s dig in.
Tom and Summer
Tom Hansen is an idealist, a dreamer. He works at a greeting card company publishing I-Love-You cards; he believes in the concept of One True Love (setting himself up for failure from the very start), and he finds himself fancying Summer, an attractive new co-worker.
Summer and Tom hit it off before long, and no one can deny their chemistry. Things are going great. Things are fun and casual. It is implied that Tom is not all that experienced when it comes to dating or relationships. Summer, on the other hand, lists down at least three people in her past she was ‘serious’ with.
Summer is independent. She is not looking for anything to tie her down. She doesn’t believe in One True Love or soulmates or all that jazz. She likes Tom, and that’s enough for her. She has fun with him, and that’s enough for her. And for a while, that’s enough for Tom too.
Trouble in Paradise
But as happens sadly too often nowadays, a power imbalance starts to emerge in their relationship, As time passes, it becomes clear that Tom is starting to invest a little more of himself into their fledgling romance. He starts to get anxious about defining their connection. Is Summer his girlfriend, or his friend who he occasionally has sex with? Are they just together, or together-together?
Summer is not interested in the nomenclature. They’re having fun together, and nothing else matters. She is not concerned with being anybody’s girlfriend, but at the same time, doesn’t necessarily want to lose or hurt Tom.
This emotional mismatch comes to a head when Tom gets into a bar-fight for Summer’s sake, and is admonished by her for it. A small fight ensues, post which they both apologize and rekindle things. This time, with a small catch, however.
Now things are more or less clear at this point. Tom has feelings for Summer. Summer likes him, but isn’t sure to what extent she can reciprocate his feelings. They both verbalize this to each other after the bar-fight as Tom demands to know the status of their relationship, and says that he needs to know that Summer won’t wake up one day and ‘feel differently.’ Summer says she can’t promise him that; no one can.
Different People, Different Priorities
This to me, stuck out as the first sign that their relationship was doomed from the very start. While it is true that one can never speak with certainty about their feelings in the future, one can at the very least assure a partner whom they supposedly care about for the same. A white-faced lie? Cruel, perhaps. And I’m not sure if things would have changed had Summer done it. What I do know is that this was Tom’s one chance at bolting. Ideally, this should have been the end of things. He wanted something serious, she didn’t. They both had different priorities. They both knew it, and they both ignored it. Because they were living in the moment. Because they were having fun.
There is nothing wrong about ‘having fun’, just so long as both the people involved are having fun. Both the people are aware of the state and boundaries of the relationship, and do not attempt to cross it. In this case, Tom was actively attempting to cross it. Summer clearly outlined her thoughts to him, and he accepted them, because he wanted to be with her, not because he agreed with her.
Classic mistake, is it not? Giving up your principles (just as Tom did) to be with someone you care about. Someone you love. It starts with a single instance, a simple transgression no one, perhaps not even you, would notice. And then before you know it, it snowballs into something bigger, to the point where you don’t even recognize where your partner starts and you end. You give yourself to them, regardless of whether they want the load or not. You kill yourself, and in the process either kill them too, or just see them walk away.
‘And you? What would you do for love?’
Nothing. If it’s for love, you ought not to have to do much. You ought not to work nearly as hard as Tom and Summer did. Sure, they were ‘having fun’, but fun will only take you so far when you both want different things from life. Both Tom’s insecurities and Summer’s frustrations reach their peak one day when Summer decides that she doesn’t want to do this anymore. And just like that, she is gone, and Tom is left heartbroken, wondering what the heck happened.
Of course, Tom is not supposed to be heartbroken. Things were casual with Summer, after all. It’s his own fault he let his expectations get ahead of himself. It’s his fault he chose to be with someone who told him from the very onset that she wasn’t, and probably never would be, as invested as him.
It’s also Summer’s fault. She knew how Tom felt and she chose to do what she did anyway. She took him back instead of pushing him away; she chose fun over stability. At the same time, had she dumped him after the bar-fight, I don’t think the lesson Tom realizes at the end of the film would have been so clear. He would probably be even more jaded and bitter than he was originally.
So what’s the right path here? A boring answer, but perhaps there’s none. Or if there is, perhaps we will never know. Or the more likely scenario, perhaps I am just not observant enough to know. That’s okay. Romance has never really been my strong suit.
Expectations vs Reality
After the breakup, Tom struggles quite a bit. He is depressed, unmotivated, and lazy (who knew you needed a break-up to be that way?). The world is bleak and gray to him. He is just barely putting the pieces of his life back together when all of a sudden, he encounters Summer at a mutual friend’s wedding.
They talk, dance, and laugh together, For a moment, Tom feels it’s just like old times. After the wedding, Summer invites him to a party at her place a couple days later. Tom, the hopeless romantic he is, starts conjuring up a vision of winning Summer back at the party, And thus begins one of the most harrowing Expectations vs Reality montages I have ever seen.
In his dream scenario, Tom attends the party, woos the other guests, and spends much of his time with Summer. In reality, he spends much of it alone or with strangers, while Summer is busy elsewhere. His dream scenario is vibrant, colourful filled with joyous moments, whereas the real world is subdued and grayish.
What’s even more disturbing is how similar the dreamworld and the real world are; it’s not hard to see why Tom thinks things might have gone his way. If a few things happened differently, who knows? In the real world however, dreams don;t always come true, and Tom’s dreams are shattered forever when he realizes that Summer is in fact, already engaged to someone else.
He immediately leaves, and plunges into the cycle of self-hatred again. He has a meltdown and quits his job (the only positive outcome from all this), and stops only when his sister urges him to really, really look back on his time with Summer, this time critically.
In an epiphany, Tom finally realizes that the warning signs of incompatibility had been there all along; he just chose not to see them because it was more convenient to do so. He then decides enough is enough and it’s now time to get his life back on track.
He goes back to his passion, architecture, building a portfolio and securing interviews. Things are looking up at last.
…And then he meets Summer one more time.
‘What I was never sure of with you.’
Tom runs into Summer at a park bench one day, his favourite spot in the city. They get to talking and he notes that she’s married. He wryly mentions how he’ll never understand how Summer, the girl who never even wanted a boyfriend, now has a husband. Summer replies that it just happened: ‘I woke up one day, and I knew.’ ‘Knew what?’ Tom asks. ‘What I was never sure of with you.'
And the final gut punch is delivered thusly. There was nothing Tom could have done after all, short of clinging on to a relationship doomed to end from the very beginning. Summer was, in fact, never sure about Tom. Never sure how she felt about him. And no amount of overbearing love or affection Tom offered her could ever change that.
Tom remarks in return that the things he believed in - destiny, soulmates, true love, ultimately turned out to be bullshit, but Summer denies this. Apparently meeting her husband changed Summer to the extent where her past experiences and opinions have been negated. So this is what they call character development.
With a smile, Summer says that in the end, Tom was right. Destiny does exist. Soulmates do exist. He was right about everything, everything except her. She was the one thing he was wrong about.
So What Went Wrong?
Now we can be here all day to talk about why Tom and Summer are the way they are, and how they changed over the course of the movie. Tom is obviously influenced by the Hollywood ideas of love and romance. Summer probably has past trauma or unpleasant experiences from past relationships, and therefore couldn’t bring herself to commit.
More accurately, she couldn’t bring herself to commit to Tom, specifically. He ended up being a palate cleanser for her before she could move on to a more healthy, well-balanced relationship. And you know what? That’s okay. While they could very obviously have tried to communicate better, sometimes, you meet people who help you become the person you need to eventually become. That person doesn’t always stay in our life forever (though it feels nice when they do). I think Tom and Summer ended up being that person in each other’s lives.
Tom convinced Summer that true love does exist, thereby changing her, and Summer revealed to Tom that sometimes, self-respect and practicality trumps blind emotion. At the end of the film, we witness Tom asking out a new girl, this time named Autumn. One can only hope he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes he did with Summer, and put his own needs and priorities first before bending over backwards to please someone else. Being in a relationship and idolizing/worshipping (unless it’s meant to be ironic or even better, kinky, winkwink) the partner never works out. If it did for you, get in touch with me. I am much curious to learn your secrets.
A Dilettante's Rant
Anyway, I suppose this is it for now. I realize much of this was an incoherent ramble, although I can’t really help it; I am not exactly well-versed in matters of the heart thanks to my lovely family (more on that some other day, I suppose).
To make things worse, there are so many conflicting ideas and expressions related to this movie in my mind I’m not sure what extent of it I was able to accurately jot down on paper. If someone was able to derive an iota of value from this, I take my hat off to you. Conversely, anyone who wants to discuss the ideas here further or even dismantle them, you know where to find me. See you in the next one.
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