There are a few questions I ask and I answer to myself. I found them along the way, they made it a little easier to be.
Are you happy?
Did you live fully?
What are you afraid of?
Sometimes. I used to confine my thoughts to only happy moments and answer the first question always as ‘yes’ and it would make sense. Now it needs more, now I let my memory replay anything it wants to, any feeling that it can think of, and this feels better.
Yes. I have lived every moment with my whole heart. Whether it was good for me, it hurt someone, things became tough, or I needed help. When I’m drinking water, sleeping, listening to the wind, taking in the shade, and eating chips, I do it with my body and mind.
Nothing. Even when I first answered this question, it was simple. Now and then, I get scared, when a car drives by at speed while crossing the road, when a movie or book captures a thrilling scene. These momentary feelings pass with nothing left behind and so the answer remains.
Whenever I think of these questions, I ask and I answer. There is a way to say ‘it’s complicated or it depends’, to say ‘maybe or I don’t know’, to deflect. For as long as I remember, I have accepted the end of life, and I’m glad for that. And yes, I lived.
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