09 [your tears fell on my cheeks]

lovely note: the story is longer than the previous ones & the poem is still all the way below.

A little wounded child, who was previously the kind granny, crone, and whatever our narrator might be, can't be recognised. People only knew her as the lovely granny. She is now so wild, yet she understands that she won't accept her expectations and who she is entirely to confront the pain, even though the human pain receptors are directly wrapped around her heart.

The lovely ones who could feel her value are also being valued, while the other lovely ones who do not naturally fade away. She really loves all of them, but she has to go through this to grow her crown with growing flowers. A kind of new crown that could accept light as the natural power. She's grateful for all the Happenings as it allows her to create a magical calmness from the book that appears during her metamorphosis.

She waves her arms and hands, freely expressing her creativity. The collapsed square towers transform into magical treehouses and architectural structures inspired by biomimicry. Many resemble heart-shaped phyllotaxis, and some are flying butterfly castles that float in the sky or descend along the river whenever they please.

But they are quite different from clouds—not buildings that look like clouds, but actual clouds, composed of infinitesimally small atoms that hold energy as they are. The beings' eyes can only perceive patches, unable to truly see, understand, or explain their existence yet. Only when living beings close their eyes and connect with their hearts, becoming completely clear channels, can they truly feel the moment and see what is there.

When they're able to feel the value of the cloud, they'd cry tears for its beauty and existence. They'll rise above, perceiving all the details of the fragmented ice crystals in every colour, forming cirrus clouds that appear white from afar.

These clouds will then wrap a sensual, naked being using the light of love, rendering clothes of shame unnecessary for a celebration of strength, beauty, and the uprising of connecting with our Soul.

Our child is the first to try this out as she creates all these connections to what has been there all along. That's just from the Book's perspective.

She feels truly sensual in the Divine and celebrated ways, almost like The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli. She's also expressive to create arts using the clouds.

There, she hears an invisible living thing weeping on a tree branch. She waves a butterfly castle to bring her to meet her eye vision.

On the left, we have our sensual, child-like Queen covered in clouds. On the right, we have this invisible one wrapped with something that feels artificial.

'Why are you crying, do you mind telling us here?' by 'us', she includes the Book and the clouds.

'I was one of the products from a factory producing the invisible ones. I escaped from the dungeon below, and now I'm lost! I don't want to go back because all of the ones there are forced to wrap themselves in smelly plastic bags for the dark magic of manipulation and overly emotional dependency!' The sound of this being is quite feminine, but we can't tell.

'Oh, I've been there before, but you're going to be okay as long as we regain confidence after a nice wash,' our Queen says while playing with her new sword.

'NO!' the invisible shouted, scaring many on the clouds to back off a little.

'YOU ALL SAID YOU KNOW! You don't! You never did! You only get to enjoy all these because I'm also a part of it! And yet, you get to be the narrator! You can destroy the factory there, but you're just a selfish Queen with your new servants! You look at my plastic with that weird look and you say that it's our right to wrap with any plastics or whatever! But you hate it here! You escape it here! I hate plastics! This plastic can't be degradable! I escape the plastic wrapping and yet they cast this spell on me of looking in the ways they like!' this invisible one is so different from the ones she's seen calmly before that she's just so shocked.

'Calm down, we could resolve this rationally-' the Queen does not realise her sword burning with flame as she speaks.

'You are the Heart!!! You're supposed to know emotions are precious too! You think of not breaking the happy bubbles of some of these who seem happy, right? Guess what? You created a huge crack in our land that so many of us starve because of the crops falling on your tears that poison them. Not your intention, you would say. Ha! What a joke!'

The Queen is still listening and doesn't know what to do. She's having such a good mood before this invisible one comes here. While this living thing can't be seen, more things just float above the cloud for her to feel. Honestly, it's a bit disappointing for her to receive messages from the other living things with 'Are u okay?' or the other invitations of celebrations at such a moment.

The child-like Queen is holding onto a slight hope. Perhaps she's expecting to hear from someone like a sensitive voyager—someone who creates this vision of emotionally relying on each other in healthier ways.

The invisible one holds an unseen weapon as the invisible leaps forward, attempting to reach her. But the Queen swiftly uses her sword to sever the invisible's bond with the tiny weapon. The weapon is turned into mist. Then, the whole sword turns back into a wand, as it usually does. Just as everything starts to happen quickly, the invisible one remains on the Butterfly castle.

'Don't have to say anything, I'll jump into the ocean myself! Stop pretending to be understanding! You do not!' the invisible one jumps into the deepest ocean.

'WHAT?' The Child is puzzled.

'yo, I really thought of having a new friend. Why are you doing this?' Nobody is answering the Child.

'Ouh, I think I understand now,' the child laughs as she moves towards the place with ocean.

'Come on up! I don't know how to swim, but I know the invisible ones are great at it. I've seen you lot playing games by the river all day,' the Queen communicates.

'Okay, look. I actually don't know how you feel. I think it was a part of the Brain that kicked in with assumptions just now. And yes, emotions are important. You come to me to seek a safe space, but I only treat you in the way I think you should be treated. Including "should/shouldn't" is already a cognitive distortion, but it's in my personality that I'm not sure whether to change. I don't even have the time to think when you just happen to come over and do all these things. Yet, I can now open-mindedly tell you that I'm willing to know how you'd love to be treated as well, instead of making assumptions of how you'd like to be treated that is doing the complete opposite of loving and healing. Maybe we could seek an overlapping communication method? Or the best thing is that even if we don't, at least we could be friends, giving each other blessings to go on other safe paths?' The Queen looks more of a stable Heart with love.

/// a moment of silence,
punctuated by the sound of seagulls flapping their wings,
which has been heard since 1989. ///

'Please, I really hope to save you. But I don't know how to swim. You have to get up yourself, or nobody else could.' The Child starts to worry because the ocean is the type that could suppress something and eat living things up as part of another source of magic. Unsure of what that could be, but we just know that it's totally chaotic. More chaotic than this child herself.

/// another moment of silence,
followed by an enhanced hemi-sync sounds, colours, and shapes
travelling all the way from Italy to Virginia, USA. ///

'Okay, how about-' the child is still kept on talking about the unheard things while the Book is shaking its head.

'Come on, Brain. What's this? What have I done that's not okay this time?'

'You think that this is a whole world with me being the Brain, and you being the Heart for now. So, who do you think that is?' the Book asked.

'Obviously, a stranger? Oh wait, an old friend? I might have been forgetting things when I was getting old!' the Child answers quickly.

'Really? If you don't know this part that tries to hurt or join you, I don't either. But I do know it feels very much like a part you ignore, although you see it existing all the time,' the Book said.

'Could you be more straightforward? It's not like the other organs could be here. Wait... There could only be one Heart, right?'

'I don't know? If you're able to connect to a part of the Soul, escape from our King of Wands you called our real Heart, you're the one who gets to tell me who's this, right? In any perspectives of mine, you're just appearing to be emotionally stable instead of truly being emotionally stable. There is a huge difference. I don't know everything, but I know that this could be a reflection of someone in our world that's significant or someone directly related to you. Also, thank you for keeping your wand instead of the sword because I'm just speaking facts since you're the one who asked me first,' the Book continues.

'What? King? Appearing to be emotionally stable? Where's the Soul? I don't remember myself being as difficult to understand as you when I was the Brain. I don't really get it, but whatever. The most urgent thing to do right now is just get in there. We both can't swim, and it's like a disaster! Why isn't my magical power working now?' The Child is still smiling, but kind of panicked too.

'Ouh, I see. You weren't limited by the facts that clouds could occupy people, but you're telling me that we both can't swim in our world? I mean, I'm confused. If you have clear observations, you could turn me into anything when you're the Heart. Like, anything the Heart desires. And, about you not being able to swim... I could tell you something. This is not a real ocean. Even if it is, you could have yachts, submarines, diving suits, and many other things. Just that, compared to who you are, I clearly see a big difference in you reacting to things. Maybe just something to reflect upon us when you feel as if we have the time later. But, time doesn't exist here, if you still remember? Now, just go,' the Brain is being honest in its deep voice.

'Remember what? Anyway, I think I get it. Thanks and talk later,' the Queen dives into the ocean. She could swim like a fish, to her surprise. She could feel the water and waves grooving with her as she appears to be a mermaid.

'This is absurd!' she screams and remembers that she's underwater. Oh, but she's able to breathe while speaking! She grins, showing her teeth and appears to be a bit more masculine that she usually is.

She tries to reason with the invisible one at the bottom. She can feel that this being is an excellent swimmer who doesn't even have a bit of energy left. She uses her left hand to drag the invisible one up as she swims. She feels so free and happy.

She's able to swim, with any weights becoming weightless when her hand touches it. The water exerts no drag, but instead a new, uncalculated force named 'alchemy' by her. It's an art. Her teeth are shining underwater. Her left hand is her non-dominant hand, yet it's also the most intuitive one for magical moments like these. As she's getting up, she accelerates in a full-speed mode to move towards the beach instead of the cloud excitedly.

She knows that the invisible one needs to see more of these dancing corals drumming for them to cheer them up. It's becoming an orchestra performance, and they start to dance together. She sees a baby and goes back to reach out using the right hand. And yet, it's not touchable, like a holographic projection. The next second they look around while getting up, it's gone. 'It must have been some other lost parts. What could that be?' she murmurs as she continues swimming up at full speed while hugging the invisible one.

She happily jumps out of water.

This time, it's the sand instead of cloud that catches her as she turns back into her child-like Queen figure.

She is looking at what she's hugging. Okay, silicone bands, wax-coated metal strands, more silicone stuff, long bones, coins, shells, broken shields, broken masks, avocado pit that's not able to grow...

'Where is this invisible being?' She's looking everywhere and runs back to the shallow part of the sea.

'Hooray! The invisible living thing is gone. We could all rest now,' the Brain says.

'Gone? Isn't there plastic? Why all these... random things? Is she choosing to stay there, or did she walk away happily? Are we not going to know?'

'No, we won't know. You didn't expect them to be invisible just for fun, did you?' the Brain asks sarcastically.

'But—But, did we save it? Is it a part of the Heart or a complete stranger?' the Child is still kept on asking.

'Look, my dear Heart. Just listen. It has no matter because it does not matter, as the only way for it to matter in our world is through its existence of what could matter with matter and what does not have matter with no matter. But, if it matters in the ways that they have been transformed, combined, or reproduced, such as the way the invisible thing tells us about the factory doing so for the other purposes, so be it. Even if it matters in ways that you can't see, if it no longer bothers you, you could choose not to let it matter. Does that make sense right now?' the Brain is trying to explain.

'No. I just want to know where this invisible thing is. You could be philosophical or theoretical, but the answer I need right now is something straightforward. Is the living being still alive or not?' the Child asks with a straight face.

'Wow, haven't dealt with a stable Heart before. You just need to know that she is Here, and she is alive then,' the Book answers.

'The living thing is a "she"? Here? You knew her as a "she" but calling her a thing since the beginning? How rude! No wonder you don't make any friends!' the Child is even more puzzled.

'Yes. Here. Whatever, I don't like any of the annoying ones wasting time, energy, and my most precious attention anyway. My duty of ensuring our protection is fulfilled. Everything else you hoped for, I’ve at least tried for you. Your Highness, if you could simply bring us all to continue our wonderful schedules, we will all be safe and sound,' the Brain says.

'Can't understand you for real. I know why I can't see her now. I forget about her invisibility! Ahahah! Thanks for your Encyclopedia and Records inside. I still have to find out what's the part where she talks about the cracks or crops that she hopes I could fix though,' she says, walking away from the Book.

"Your Highness, it’s too far away and it’s none of our business, really. Your Highness! Your Highness!" the Book called out, following her.

'Hey, our beautiful invisible lady! You have every right to be here while not speaking as long as we agree to have the true forms of love in words, thoughts, and actions. But if you ever change your mind, I'm here! Haha! Feel free to take any resources you need, as long as you're using them with love!' the Child says, walking in circle on the beach and trying to see if she can bump into something.

'I actually mean that the invisible one is here in-' the Brain sighs, not offering any further explanation.

'I can turn this wand into anything, right? I'll let you fly and fix the cracks. Also, make the soil, crops, and everything fertile and healthier than ever,' the Queen said as she set the wand off and the Brain smiles.

They're all floating back to the mountains and the riverside.

This weird feeling's coming up in her.

She feels as if no nothing is just not for her. Nothing makes sense. Then don't.

Change perspective.

Something from the perspective of the invisible souls hanging upside down crosses her mind: 'Ha! Always traits here and there that we could observe for growth suitable for us, maybe?'

She's bravely dropping the traits not meant for her, though.

All the living things here are already in the best states, trying to do their best for each other with the greatest understanding. Everything is just for each other. So, she sets new lines for this book. Not rules—just a few reminders.

1. Try to balance the part of the feminine energy with a bit of the masculine energy, and the masculine energy with a bit of the feminine energy. Also, embracing the id, ego and superego. Try with love.

2. If it lies within the principles that goes beyond mere balancing, or if we have differing, unnegotiable principles, respect and let go of each other early with much love. However, if something feels as if something has to be completed, try active listening. Or maybe, try a new way of communicating instead. It could be more fun and intuitive ways if things had been too serious in the past. If it had always been too much fun that the serious talk of the suppressed emotions has to be shared, do so too. Everything depends on the situation, people, and moments. If there isn't a chance of sharing or doing so, ask ourselves if we'd like to create such a chance or not. Answer it honestly while we know ourselves more.

3. If we don't or can't even try to open up, be positive hermits who won't do the opposite of healing for the other lovely ones. If love is in disguise of fear, anger, sadness and/or the other emotions, then no discussions are needed. In the existence of true forms of love, feel free to acknowledge the emotions when they are slowly separating from love that hinders love. Be respectful to let go when it's a clear 'let go'. Nurture with love when it's a clear 'mutual healthy love'. Or just stay if somebody we truly love sing something since there are so many songs about it already? 'Stay Stay Stay', 'All You Had To Do Was Stay' and... Ya, they're from the same singer if you search it up. But hey, it could also be 'Say Don't Go' if it's not going in the ways you like, since this one is shining a light on those who won't say. Warning, some songs might sound really sad, but things will turn around in more wonderful ways than we expect. By the way, only the Taylor's Version would be effective if you're a new reader. Okay, the singing part is just for fun because why not, right? We can also sing ourselves the things we love to have a good relationship with ourselves.

4. If we muster up the courage to open up but still don’t seem to connect with love yet, feel free to try our best not to assume things or impose any parameters on others who're from entirely different backgrounds and ways of living. Some people draw to express more than they write or sing or talk about things, and they might only change that part when they are healed. Some people stand on sidewalks alone to wait not for cars, but rocket ships or clouds. Some people repeatedly leave the others in blood which is the part that we know exactly to leave. Some people who're different wouldn't try to understand you and have to be left. Some people haven't felt, seen, touched, known, understood the world the same as you. Eventually, we only stay for some people who would try in their ways that don't lose themselves while not losing each other. It sounds so difficult, but it's easy for those who believes it as something easy.

5. If we find ourselves in the worlds of some melancholy songs and dramatic plots, maybe ask 'How do we make us feel happy maintaining our healthy relationship? Here are my assumptions: 1... 2... 3..., which I have tried 1... 2... 3... to show that I care (or care a lot depending on how much we honestly care). How about you? We could share the one thing we really hope to know from each other, too. The best part is we could choose to not answer and tell each other why we think any questions are silly if we hope to really fix things. Anything comfortable for us, really.' It sounds so cringey, but it's a joyful step towards syncing, especially when something needs resolution. We'll share what we hope to know about many things if we trust each other enough. Or we express in our ways of crafted papers and funny things. Whatever, just express with love. Whether we're repairing or actually breaking things, we will see. We let the conversation continue and end when we are both happily concluding no misunderstandings. If it sounds too rational or it's clear that it's not meant to align with us, we can allow ourselves to enjoy the misunderstanding in the ways we are comfortable with.

6. If we're not able to have these conversations and receive healthy emotional support from an imaginary soul, ask ourselves if these are for us to take because this is a world of growth and change. Different personalities are suited to different groups of lovely souls, and there is no definitive way to communicate that is universally right. A cow, a wolf, or an ant trying to fit into a flock of sheep would be unusual mixes, right? Unless our civilisation is as harmonic as an ecosystem with love that we just believe in. Why does it even matter? What does it even mean? The one who believes in Beauty and the Beast is most probably not meant for the one who thinks that it's just another fairy tale. Also, the Beast is not just always a beast, because of the lack of love and the abundance of love.

7. Make it personal when it’s supposed to be. Don’t force expectations on each other. We sing and dance for unconditional love, but we are not emotionless. We have our own standards, expectations, and conditions. Just keep the ones we love, since it’s a journey of experiencing the life of a being is as how we know it is. For our reminder to get a feeling of what we could take, consider this: If it feels like the World for both, stay. If it feels not or less than a World for either, leave. For the World, there would be at least the moments of unconditional love in a World full of conditions formed. Almost like Closer (under PG) by Chainsmokers and Halsey for those who know what we mean. Or, Something Just Like That by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay. Ya, surprise mention besides being the usual Swiftie Queen. Or the sculptures of Psyche and Eros with their story. Sensuality done in ways that are comfortable for us.

8. If we love each other the same and enough, ignore all of the above, because it’s a little wounded child's reminder. Writing in this book as a Divine child in our world, and the Queen is so proud to grow into this.

9. We’re able to receive unconditional love both in the ways we love to give and in the ways we love to receive. Those who truly live happily ever after do so not just because it’s a line from children’s fantasies, but because everything else shrinks into tiny little Nothings in the dark, allowing the star of our love to shine even brighter only for those who know what love is.

'I wish you forever be with someone who could be like this for you,' she whispers while hugging this cloud that looks slightly like something she's not going to see or remember.

Just enjoy her moment in the clouds now.

shh...

Value.

It's not something to be reasoned with only.

It can also be felt, which has caused her to be the Heart of our world.

So, please don't justify our standards, opinions, and irrelevant things only from our ways of viewing things around unless...

...unless we are willing to balance both energies and eventually know how. Then, go on and share the truths with joy. Only for those who care.

Look, she's still here.

Pat pat on her head.

Unlike the others who can stabilise their emotions. She forgets to bring her magical berries that could do so for her. She looks at the different deaths of stars and feels touched. 'How can such beautiful phenomena occur because of the stars dying?'

It's so random. It's so hard to detach. It's something she hopes could envelope her next.

Yet, she uses emotion regulation which is a huge surprise because she usually believes that each emotion is a signal of our wonderful being to convey certain messages we ignored. She has to do so this time because she hopes to just enjoy the stories, the scene, the light, and all of what the senses perceive while being hugged by the clouds. Her clouds.

She creates a little paper plane. She remembers something she's not supposed to. She flies it as it glides down into the river and sinks below. 'No river pollution! Hahaha!' she tries to make herself laugh as she magically turns it into a flower, attempting to lighten the moment. The strong current from upstream breaks the petals apart. She can't take a second look at the river at night because of the colours of the lights there. She wonders if she's the only one who sees it this way in the world. Just a coincidence, she smiles.

She’s the kind who can laugh until she cries. So, our child-like narrator breaks into tears again, like a hopeless little child. She’s lost—not in the sense that people don’t know what to do, but in the way that she has seen so many horrible things ahead that she delays her footsteps until she finally stops.

She knows places she can go that are the same as the places she can’t go.

She cries like Alice before the movie adaptation. She cries as she remembers that the first Alice didn't have to kill any monsters or appear strong; she's just a little rebellious and curious child in the first book. It's another thing that only she cares about in her space with the other invisible living strangers.

None of these birds and butterflies in the air could wake her up.

Have you heard a quote like this?

you can't wake the one who's pretending to sleep.

But her cloud is gently putting her down, becoming too dense with all the tears to fall as rain—small yet heavy.

Her tears fill up the pond in front...
The little pond turns into a lake.
The lakes get connected to the river.
The river flows down to the ocean.
Little droplets from the ocean evaporates back into the sky.
The evaporated droplets condensed as dark clouds.

She's still crying.

Seeing the Book, new butterflies, birds, and everything else, she knows her view on creating value might be a new world. Her wand flies back to her from afar.

Wait a second...

When the Queen sees her own reflection as a child, 'oh, NO!' she exclaims.

'Our world here is having me as a Child??? My words spoken! They don't sound like ME as the BRAIN anymore! Where's my grammar checker that auto-corrects my expressions? AHHH!'

'You're only know it now?' the Books is giving her a look of disbelief.

She knows the only way out is to stop crying and forget about her expectations, but she's just a child. But, she's not 'just a Child'. She's The Child with The Crown.

A laughter from underground reaches her, but she ignores it.

It's not the book laughing, but it draws her attention towards the book. She flips open her magical book to read for what's going to happen or what she's supposed to do.

'For what we give,
we would not feel pain without hoping for anything in return.'
Oopsies, she's just a silly beautiful child hoping for attention at the moment.

'Next ONE!'
'For what we give,
we would not transfer the negativity to another as long as we just let it all happen naturally. Oh, unless they're someone we trust who trusts us too. The experiences shared could strengthen our relationships of any kind!'
as a child, natural sharing is a bit too experimental and destructive, huh? Besides, look at this little girl, am I not the only Book she trusts right now?

'Oh Gosh! Another!'
'For what we receive,
we are grateful that we're gifted with the resources and ability to grow, evolve and make changes for our loving civilisation. If we ever make mistakes or lost passion, we just analyse them objectively and stand tall again as always.'
ya, right... but I guess not all people grow in the same way though? Telling this emotional girl to be objective is like telling Sun Wukong to be rational. Oh, that's another story of our legendary Monkey King with so many adaptations that show us the wonderful variety of expressions and creations out of imaginary chaotic worlds at the same time. Just like hers...

'Skip, skip, skip... Okay, skip to Pablo Picasso. Why does this person go back to painting childish and abstract drawings after knowing how to paint realistic and sophisticated art? HA! Old Child! See? I'm still the Brain!'
'For what we create,
we balance both ways of expressing and impressing in the ways we love, while some ditch or convey messages against certain standards to create their own. Some like you only express. Some like the others only impress. However, there's no right or wrong in any of these. The thought makers are the ones who create the definitions, parameters, and beyond. So, expressing, receiving and giving love through creations would be our answer in our own world here.'
Okay, a child creating a standard of her own? Hhmmm, with that crown, maybe, but it's a bit challenging for a lost child in the middle of nowhere trying to receive love... How do we expect her to jump out of that frame and look at different people with swords fighting under the same Sun? United consciousness over polarities and dichotomies in separated consciousness could exist. Better not bring that issue up again, or she might cry and drown me. Laugh out loud.

'Come on, my Akashic Records of the Book~! Show me the part from the expanding library that would be the most suitable, effective, fast, loving, nurturing, wonderful, beautiful, peaceful, and combining all the things we love for me, hahaha!'

'Okay, yeah, sure,
just leave everything behind and
SLEEP.'

'What on Mother Nature is this? Ah, Mother Nature! it's okay, I solved my own problem. Bye~'

'Ah, I mean that the dreams while you sleep could be -'
She closes the book and puts it back into her backpack.

She's receiving love from Mother Nature!

She's hugging her own flowers!

She's hugging her little trees growing!

She's throwing out all the things that don't belong to her from her pockets and suitcase!

She doesn't even know how they ended up in there, and she's just a child who can't carry the huge suitcase anymore!

There, she sees some things that feel a little heavy, only shining on the inside, and feel a little like... rock?

Wait, they are rocks!

She's shocked. She looks for the character. 'Oh, no, no, no...'

She's panicking without a reason. 'I am here, I am here, are you there?'

Is she's gonna cry again?

She's never lost, for she knows exactly where to go; it's just that she's unsure whether to throw the rocks out back to the character.

She doesn't know if she's the one who took them long ago. She doesn't remember what for, but she only knows that she's receive the love she needs from the rain. So, she hopes for the same for the character. Okay, she needs someone to be here right now because only when the Mind, Body, and Soul are together can they form a path connected to the character's world. Or, maybe not? Oh, she misses the shape-shifter, even though she knows that she can't see this little one. Hey, no 'missing' because people only miss what they don't have! Enough nostalgic energy. Oh, she's already done it before? She forgets because it has always been with... Herself! Yes, she means herself.

The book has to be the logical narrator this time.

'Oh, the talking Book as the Brain!' she pulls out the Book.

'Wow! My, oh, my! Are you now a Femme Fatale?' the Book looks at this Child, who no longer resembles a child.

'Could I tear a few pages of yours I dislike forming new ones of my own?' she asks in Black and White.

'Ya! As many as you like!' replies the Book, blushing slightly.

'Thanks,' she says, tearing them out.

There, she becomes a different Heart once again. She enjoys her sensuality and fully owns herself. It might seem ridiculous, but whatever. She's not fond of this archetype, so she transforms into a sensual vixen instead, deliberately avoiding being like the invisible ones with plastic bags in her mind. Her sensuality is for love, not for anything else, even though it’s within her power. She's so proud of herself. All the naked butterflies take pictures of her and feel inspired too.

you were listening to your narrator's story.

wait, did you?

you were laughing at your narrator crying.

oh, it was you!

you were even
feeling the tears of your narrator
that fell as rain above your sky.

*gasp

you got up from the big, slippery rock
staring at the big round moon,
remembering your path along the way.

yet, someone's tears formed many cute clouds
that came to cover the moon,
leaving no moonlight in your darkest nights.

you picked up the rocks as you walked again, one day—
the rocks with gems hidden in 'em.

although people didn't understand why,
you weren't bothered by the way they looked at you anymore.

it's all that you'd ever cared about,
but now it's all that you don't.
NOT anymore.

you remembered.

so, you're on your journey again.
saying goodbye to all the things that you're not.
finding a balance between what you love and what others do too.

some things said goodbye to you before you did.
you're not good at goodbyes,
but at least you tried.

or, maybe
the world sometimes
needs a little imbalance of you
to be balanced
with you.

you're never good at goodbyes, maybe?
you escaped from them, then you came back to them saying 'bye'
and you weren't sure
if you were trying to mimic someone
or you just did it in ways people couldn't understand yet?

thinking of how you've always been
in all these stages in life...
ya, you were always that way
but you finally knew how to say goodbye
in your most comfortable ways.

can't let in 'welcome' of our favourite things
without the fulfilled 'goodbye' of the things in the past
wholeheartedly.

but you still replaced it with the other words
depending on how you love the things to be.

remembering how Grandma waved goodbye
during your school days
but you said, 'how about only [GOOD] instead?'

you were both only having big thumbs up
ever since
to give each other blessings for explorations in silly ways.

such a funny and weird thing
that was so YOU.

and yet,
your dreams told you to
'Detach effortlessly'
in the gentlest ways,
while bringing you on a crazy ride.

that dream of finally escaping from the energies destroying yours,
running up a flight of stairs without looking back.

that dream of finally saying goodbye to the dorm
on a train-like bus.

that dream of calling Lovely Evolving Soul
while hugging this person tight with water all around.

that dream of finally saying goodbye to the station
on a bus-like train.

that dream of finally not pretending to stay asleep
when you saw the totem in your left hand.

detachment with love
with lots and lots of love.

there you went—
rocks, rocks, rocks.
using anything you had just to find most of them again.

You found them,
joyfully.
all of them?
that's insane!

For the first time ever,
I, the Heart narrator came in to return your rocks I found in my pockets.
Throwing and arranging them on your path safely.

you're just like the little child you've always have been
when you see it all happening.
you love the rocks so much!

I can't believe this!
We're actually connected, even though you're from the past.
It's unbelievable.
And,
you're becoming a child
at this point when I transitioned from a child
into a sensual feminine figure?

so,
you polished 'em,
decorated 'em and
gave 'em all that you had.
seeing 'em shine with shades of a Hibiscus
made you head over heels.

then, you locked 'em up.

It's never going to the wrong path again, you thought.
wrong?
you used to emphasise on no 'wrong?
what's wrong?
there's no right or wrong but just a more suitable way, right?

how were you so certain that
it was just suitable for 'em to stay with you, you thought.

there were people in your life
who told you to not overthink it.
but you wondered who set the parameters of 'over-something'.

overthinking, overpowering, over-obsessing...
overdramatic, overreacting, overcomplicating?
overindulging, overanalysing, overrepresenting!

humans again.

for those with intentions of a pure loving heart,
you thanked 'em
and show 'em you make your own borderlines in your games.

for those with messed up intentions,
your rebellious and destructive sides
numbed their false senses
and painted
their true colours as
stubborn vampires
behind their masks,
as fake heroes or heroines
in others' lives,
when their own lives
were falling apart.

you tried to be gentle
as you were of the same species
with much love.

but that's no excuse
for sucking anybody's blood.

you used an arrow to shoot the word 'advice'
back into their faces,
like a proud warrior
with your sparkly obsidian eyes
full of ambition.

there were some monsters
who crashed through and broke what you built.
there were these monsters roaring
as if they owned everything, although they didn't.
or, if they did, they weren't supposed to.

'you would be the one to show them how it's done.'
you were someone so strong and gentle.

when you saw glass shards who hurt anybody,
you showed mercy at first,
but you would not if they were still hurtful.

before the glass shaped into new monsters
when these pieces were influenced by the living monsters,
you experimented with their things and returned them.

you showed them wonderful things.
so, they became wonderful butterflies.

ha, you even found yourself some magical things
kissing you
and flying around to travel with you.

oh, you chose one loving piece to be your totem.
yes, a secret totem just like the ones in Inception!

spinning top,
loaded die,
chess piece,
poker chip,
precious ring.

ha!
those were theirs.
and you found yours
without knowing it yet.
very close to the rock,
and almost like the gem,
but nothing similar.

shh...

The narrator comes in again.

a totem is always a secret
meant to differentiate
our physical reality and other spaces
in
our
lucid dreams,
astral projections,
and perhaps even interdimensional travels
so that we are always back to this world as ourselves.

oh,
fertilisers everywhere,
and all the living monsters
named Gob-something that you couldn't remember
were all gone.

you stepped on the clean, fertilised garden
that you could walk across
to reach all the other wonderful places.

some fertilisers and soil
even became your mountains,
which you climbed up in your favourite dress and crown.

you were so happy
that all that you loved
loved you in return.

return...
that love was conditional.
no wonder all new castles existed.

your narrator
understood what you meant
after days.

did it matter?

didn't matter at all
as long as you're with the magical rocks—
the rocks that you locked up
and loved how they sparkled
in your palms.

but,
another day,
you saw the shines of the rock you locked fading,
while the rocks in the river are shining.

was the fate of your rocks
only between
being yours but locked and dulled,
or
being lost but free and shining?

was there
an in-between?

Other poems here.

'oh, you chose one loving piece to be your totem.
yes, a secret totem just like the ones in Inception!'

with love,
૮ℓเσɳα Chee Pui Khei 徐𣳽琪,
creating mental health tech at toplove.tech,
gathering resources at mentalhealthengineering.com public squad