The end of March and start of April will always be emotional. The emotions will change over time and the feelings of grief, or loss, won't be as strong in the future. And they weren't as strong this year, as they were last year. As mum used to say, grief does not get smaller, but you do grow around it. That's not the only thing she used to say that I remember. This issue is about a couple of the other things she used to say, and how I use the ideas behind those phrases/sayings. I am not crediting my mum with creating them, but they are where I heard them first.
I don't know how to explain it, but anniversaries kind of create an expectation, or maybe that's me slipping back into old habits due to the emotional rollercoaster I was riding. Already, the more regular feelings associated with grief have faded from my conscious brain. I am not actively thinking of mum and there are more smiles when something reminds me of her.
As mum said, grief does not get smaller, but you do grow around it. Our awareness of grief, or loss, will always be relevant to those kind of dates. Be it anniversaries, birthdays or holidays and as time passes, it becomes easier to recall the memories of the person, rather than the feelings of loss. Talking about it getting easier with time sounds like a cliché in the moment, and it always will do. I knew it was true when people were saying it, it still sounded like a cliché.
Grief can come from all areas of our lives. It could be the loss of a loved one. It could also be the loss of pet, a relationship ending, losing a job, having to move area for whatever reason, falling out with a friend, parking a project or many other things I haven't considered/mentioned. We need to allow ourselves the time we need to process that loss, which often accompanies a big change in our habits.
Big Dreams Start With Little Steps
There are several things I take from this. There is the obvious message that if steps are not taken then nothing will happen. An idea needs us to take steps for it to become more than an idea. When I look deeper into this specific aspect of the message, then it implies that the person taking the steps has a huge measure of control in their own outcomes.
Big ideas take many, many little steps to complete. Small ideas can also take many, many steps. The point being is that to make progress, to get closer to our dreams, whatever they are, we have to keep taking steps. If we stop making those little steps, then our dreams are stopped in their tracks. I have used this thought for inspiration and motivation on more than one occasion.
It also reminds me that all we can ever do is take one step at a time. That one step may roll on and create much bigger things, but it is always one step at a time. Or one thing at a time. Even those of us that think we can multitask, can't. What they can do is switch very quickly from one task to another. One step at a time, it isn't a limiting though, unless you let it be.
You Can't Change The World But You Can Change Your Corner
When I very first heard this, between the ages of 8-12 I would guess, I thought it was limiting. How does changing my corner impact anything other than me? That wasn't necessarily one of them, but I was asking big questions even then, and I read Animal Farm for the first time when I was about 10. I have since read it two more times, and think it may be worth reading again soon. I wonder if mum shared this when I was asking questions about a more equal society. That book provoked a lot of big questions in a growing mind. Some I still haven't answered and some I definitely answer differently now.
I distinctly remember mum saying how can you expect anyone else to change, or even listen to you, if you aren't willing to act that way yourself? That one question, nearly 30 years ago, has had a big impact on me. It has helped me have integrity, encouraged many of my core values and been one of the key things that has held me accountable to myself. I am proud of these things and I know mum was too.
It teaches leading by example, gaining an understanding for your values and what they mean to you, acceptance and more. If you change your corner, be the change you want to see, you can see if others have appetite for it. If people don't follow you and you want to drive change, find like minded people. Find people you can follow. On the subject of following, I have shared one of my favourite TED talks above, it's about 3 minutes long (TED throw an ad at the end) and well worth a watch!
The poem above, Autobiography in 5 short chapters by Portia Nelson, was hung on the wall in the family home whilst I was growing up and through my early adulthood. Mum had written it while learning calligraphy. It was there as we walked into the room, at eye level. I remember stopping to read it many times.
It was something that caught my attention the very first time I read it, or was read it, and it has stayed with me ever since. I haven't always been aware I have been walking down the same street at times, but I have always been aware it is my fault, or maybe more pertinently my choice. Choice is so crucial when it comes to what happens and how we view any outcomes. As I have matured, I have begun to understand just how important choice is. Including choosing to find the positive, or look for the silver linings.
I think the more obvious lesson being shown is the opportunity to learn from any given situation or mistake, as well as showing the progression of that learning. A deeper lesson is that often we need repeat opportunities to learn the best route. I like to look at what I see as another lesson as well. That failures or mistakes aren't necessarily failures or mistakes, at least not until they are repeated.
These are some of the lessons that were taught to me by mum, lessons that I will always carry with me. I am grateful for them for multiple reasons. The thoughts that they provoke as well as the memories they draw. Memories that then encourage more memories. I am very much an out of sight, out of mind kind of person and being able to hold onto memories this way is important for me.
Both quotes and the poem encourage people to think for themselves and take control of their decisions. In line with 'Be the example you want to see', something else mum said. They helped me break away from a failure mindset. One I believe society trains into us, but that is for another time. I also feel that they encourage, or lead, us along a journey of acceptance. And that ties in with the thoughts above, about why writing and sharing these 'quotes' is important to me, as well as tying in with the title. A journey to acceptance is very similar to how we commonly cope with grief.
I am still playing with AI for my poem (and hopefully collection) about sugar. The image above is the cover for the collectible edition of this blog. I am shrinking the weekly supply of the collectable version of this blog. There will be a small charge on top of the platform fee, and the supply will go up when they start selling out. There are only 10 available for this issue. That may be reduced to 5 next time!
Grab this issue for 3 $Matic (plus the platform fee) before it sells out!+
I hope you enjoy them
Sugar
What once was a poor mans dream
Something that was chased to the extreme
In it’s…
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I will be releasing my blogs fortnightly, or every two weeks, and I will be upfront if that is going to change. I imagine the next blog will be about the halving, Bitcoin and some of my thoughts around why I think my mindset about money and society, is similar to that of a Bitcoin Maxi.
I am still settling into my new flat. I got proper working internet last week, and whilst I have gone away for a few days, I can't wait to have regularly reliable and fast internet for the first time in over 3 years. Since before I entered this space! Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time and I hope have an amazing week or two.
*edit. I accidentally set the supply for the collectable version of this blog at unlimited. I have adjusted it to 10, as of 22:50GMT they are still showing it as unlimited. The next issue will be limited to 10 copies.
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