Nairobi traffic, boda confusion, and a detour through half the city later, I finally made it to Emara Ole Sereni for a Bybit event. My boda guy, a proud Uber warrior, somehow managed to turn a 15-minute ride into a cross-county adventure, and when I asked why he didn't know the city he was working in, we had a civil discourse about the importance of geographical awareness in the transportation industry. A lesson for another day.
Inside, the event had all the trappings of a proper Web3 gathering—crypto enthusiasts, budding and budded tech minds, and of course, top-tier breakfast offerings. The sausages? A masterpiece. Thick, juicy, real food—none of that shrinking mess of fillers. The bacon? Crispy and proud. And the fruit? Well, my mother insists that St. Paul will deny me entry into heaven if I neglect them, so I complied.
MC of the Day: Ian the Fitness Tyrant
Ian—yes, that Ian, the exercise guru, the man with a biology-defying workout regime—was our MC. If you suffered sports injuries in high school, you may want to leave the room before Ian ensures you experience the pain to the depths of your soul. MC , Jesus is watching you tesa, invalids, Gen Z had a great time. He introduced something called the Elvis Press-ly: move one leg, then both, then one hand, then all three hands (?). The science here is very questionable, but the entertainment was undeniable. Ian should strictly MC for under-25s—only they have the flexibility for such antics. So, in all fairness, it's the food he was after, breakfast ya sahani mbili, you must move something or sleep.
Bybit Takes the Stage
Bybit, the crypto exchange giant that recently made headlines (some good, some...well), took center stage. Their African Regional Manager, Wilson Ogheneovo (yes, that ‘h’ is a bit too much, English will finish Africans), introduced us to Bybit’s ambitions.
Bybit, born in 2018, has since grown to 1,500 employees, 60 million users, and a staggering $40 billion in daily derivative trading volume. That’s the kind of scale that makes you wonder why you’re still waiting for your bank’s interest payments after 1 million days.
They’re looking for meaningful partnerships, making crypto accessible, and, in the spirit of biblical Noah, housed in an office titled the great Crypto Ark—where humans and financial strategies enter two by two.
The Crypto Gospel According to Wilson
Wilson had a trademark phrase: “Do you understand what I’m trying to communicate?” Sir, you communicate, and the understanding part is our problem.
Here’s a summary of Bybit’s offerings:
Spot Trading – this one involves buying digital assets on the spot, yaani papo hapo, sio ile spot ya uchafu.
Copy Trading – Follow someone else’s trades. If your trader eats steak and you eat chapo madondo, there may be long-term financial and bodily differences this leads to lost trades.
Derivatives – You don’t own the asset; you own the contract. It’s like being a landlord without ever seeing the house. Hii ina nuka karata, the financial people look quite pleased with it, ntasoma derivetive ni one iko aje.
Demo Trading – Practice losing fake money before losing real money. Always better, your people will also greatly appreciate it.
Bybit Earn – Pays you daily, bank ni ya mamako, literally, 300 days' pay ins don't make sense anymore.
P2P Trading – The heart of Bybit’s African strategy, offering incentives better than a certain competitor whose CEO recently had an extended government-sponsored vacation.
The Elephant (or Dog) in the Room
And then came the unavoidable topic—the mysterious $1.5 billion incident. Bybit assured us that their main system wasn’t affected, their daily $35 billion trading volume remains intact, and, well, a third-party vendor’s dog might have eaten their homework. The details were mumbled swiftly, but rest assured, a journalist with strong convictions will revisit this someday. Kuliendaje boss, hio mbwa inakula doe, mmelalisha au ni vipi?
Partnerships, Growth, and Global Domination
Bybit isn’t just playing; they’re partnering up—$150M with Oracle, deals with Huawei, Solana, Tron, Plaza Premium, and Meebo. They’re pushing to get Bybit in front of Web2 brands, expanding into Africa, and actively recruiting merchants, newbies, and seasoned traders.
Their offers were enticing—first 10 merchants got $100 free. Missed it? FOMO levels rising. They even have Bybit Learn, an educational platform ensuring that you at least lose your money with some knowledge attached.
Final Thoughts
Crypto events are never boring, and this one lived up to expectations. Good food, strong handshakes (shoutout to Chantal—my hand is still recovering), and a deep dive into Bybit’s grand crypto ambitions. The takeaway? Join the right events, connect with the right people, and please, for the love of efficiency, verify your boda rider’s navigation skills before hopping on.
Oh, and if you see Ian, just nod and stretch lightly—you never know when he’ll make you do the Elvis Press-ly.
