All people have problems. One person’s problems might not seem significant from the perspective of another person, but they feel like problems to the first person nonetheless. Having problems is a part of being human. Problems are a prerequisite for solutions. We humans are great at finding solutions. Once we solve some set of problems, we identify new problems, so we can find more solutions. Jeff Bezos famously said, “customers are always beautifully, wonderfully dissatisfied, even when they report being happy and business is great.” This sums it up well in a business context, but it applies more generally as well. Even the people you know who say they are happy and life is great have problems. Ironically, having problems is not a problem. It’s just a part of being human. Our inexhaustible ability to find new problems and new solutions is what has allowed us to prosper as people, and on an individual level your ability to do so is what allows you to grow as a person. Without problems, there would be no change, and without change there would be no progress, no improvement, no evolution, no growth. Humans make progress. We invent. We adapt. We evolve. We improve. That’s just what we do.
Still, sometimes problems can become a bit overwhelming. There is a point beyond which they become detrimental. It is fine to be anxious, sad, nervous, or fearful, but too much of these negative emotions for too long can make for a pretty miserable life. That’s not what anyone wants. It feels better to feel positive. To take a positive perspective is a choice, but circumstances can make that choice a bit easier or more difficult. If you have are stuck in a negative loop of thinking or feeling overly anxious, depressed, or fearful, it can be hard to effectively flip your perspective to be more positive. But I have discovered a trick.
You may or may not be familiar with the power law or the Pareto principle, also known as the 80/20 rule. It states that for many outcomes, roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes, but often these numbers are even more extreme. For example, there are more than 2 million cryptocurrencies but just 2 of them (Bitcoin and Ethereum) comprise two-thirds of the total value of all of them. The remaining 1,999,998 combined are only half as large. This sort of phenomenon, to varying degrees, is true in a lot of areas in life. It’s useful to keep an eye out for it.
I’ve noticed it applied to the things I think about as well, and that the same is true for most people. Let me offer an example. Let’s say you are feeling super down about things and have been feeling that way all week. You’re depressed, you’re anxious, and you feel stuck in this negative loop of seemingly endless fears and bad feeling and negative thoughts. It feels like the list of thing you’re worried about is never-ending. Everyone has problems, but you have more. At least, that’s how you are feeling right now. The most important thing to do in this situation is to try to identify the one, two, or three things that are most bothering you. In my experience, and in discussing with others, I find that those 1-3 things typically account for at least two-thirds and sometimes up to 90%+ of what’s the matter. It feels like it’s an endless list of things because you are stuck in a negative loop going from the first problem to the second problem to the third problem and back to the first problem in an infinite loop, and every problem feels new and different when it resurfaces, sometimes in a slightly different form than its prior surfacings. There may also be smaller problems that insert themselves in the loop and distract from the fact that there are only 1-3 problems which together represent the (vast) majority of your problems.
Usually, once you recognize that you do not have a million problems and you only have 1-3 that are really bothering you, that alone should make you feel better. You can then seek to address those problems head on. If you’re three biggest problems are that you’re lonely, you hate where you live, and you are not feeling fulfilled in your job, in that order, you can call your landlord to see if you can terminate your lease so that you can move to a new town or city (let’s assume you work remotely and this is totally doable with work). You can be living somewhere new as early as next month, and you’ll feel better well before that because you’re actively addressing one of your biggest problems. To solve your loneliness problem, maybe you commit to calling one friend or family member every 2-3 days, or force yourself to go out of your comfort zone and join some club or attend some activity, or maybe you decide to get a dog. This is all hypothetical and the solutions will be highly personal depending on an individual’s situation, but you get the gist. If this person can improve their loneliness and place of living problems within a month, and further thereafter, their third-priority problem of not feeling fulfilled in their job probably won’t be enough to make them as miserable as they were when they felt like they had an endless list of problems. Now they are left with just one big one, and they can repeat the process of addressing this top priority issue head on, to clear way for lower priority problems or new problems to fill in their stead.
A normal amount of problems is normal and should not prevent a person from feeling positive and happy and good about life. It’s the temporary times of overwhelmingly negative feelings that can feel hard to escape. When you’re in one of those temporary times, remember the power law. Identify the top 1-3 problems. Address those problems head on. That’s how you can escape a negative loop. At least, that’s how I do, and I’ve talked to others who have had success with this too.
