I have been delaying writing blog posts as if it was going to consequently delay my problems.
Not surprisingly, it did not.
The huge divergence between my feelings and my mind is one of the things I have been failing to fix.
I often rationalize about things my heart often doesn’t care about. Like if being aware the reason I cry wasn’t worth the tears could stop them from rolling through my face.
Humanity can be fought, yes. You can develop sociopathic tendencies – it’s not hard. Look around you and you’ll see how prevalent this tendency is.
Lots of feelings that no one wants to feel, keeping people so shallow nobody can dive in them.
Ignoring someone in need, their feelings and even our own guts seems easy nowadays.
For me, it doesn’t come this simple.
I have chosen to embrace my humanity and this comes with a high price: I flood.
It’s like every drop of feeling I’ve got joined this big river that runs downstream my soul, mind and body.
Love, fear, anger, anxiety, sadness, hope, happiness. Shame.
My margins are shallow, the walls are low and I flood. Shame.
I have always lived and always will live all emotions at their fullest. Shame.
The thing about being a flooding river is that you need trees on their sides so that the damage is reduced when water rises.
Very often I feel like there's no trees. And instead of planting, I want to dry the river.
A sad reality of my mind and heart, who often disagrees about what's besf.
In my religion, I'm a daughter of Oxum. Entity of the rivers, fertility, gold and love.
And I admit for many times I have asked myself if that made me weak.
Some believe strength is in the lack of love and compassion. And they made me believe in this.
Good thing rivers change their course whenever needed.
Those made of water can't die of thirst. And my heart knows no drought.
Let it flood.
