“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” - Socrates
Fade in:
INT. A SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM, LONDON – MORNING
What you notice about this home is how terrifyingly normal it is. A WOMAN (45) who's spent the last 724 nights looking after her small children sits at a cheap IKEA table staring intently at the Coinmarketcap tab on her laptop screen.
A CHILD walks into the room dragging a teddybear and a fire truck.
The woman closes the laptop.
We see TEARS as her daughter runs to hug her.
INT. AN OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – DAY
This must be the most boring office space in the world.
A sly-faced FTX Twitter Account sits at a table reading ‘The World’s Shittest Joke Book’. Sitting opposite, combing his stupid hair, is SAM BANKMAN-FRIED. Also at the table are an avatar of CHANPENG ZHAO, who is really in Decentraland playing Whack-a-Mole, and CAROLINE ELLISON.
FTX OFFICIAL (4th November, 1.11 a.m.)
What would you like FTX to build this bear market?
1,224
EXT. PARIS – MORNING
A police car drives down the Champs Elysée, past the luxury boutiques on Rue Rivoli, across the Pont Neuf and into the winding side streets off Boulevard Saint-Michel.
EXT. CHENNAI – AFTERNOON
A pack of stray dogs fight and growl as they run down the narrow, empty alleyways of the world’s biggest slum.
INT. OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – DAY
Sam Bankman-Fried stands up and prowls around with a demented grin on his face like some kind of candy-floss selling psychopath.
about a month out from moving into our new Tokyo office
SAMUEL BANKMAN-FRIED (6th November, 12.18 a.m.)
BTW on the blue check marks: so far the discourse has centred around them as vanity, but remember that for people in finance, they help weed out scammers posing as someone else. Also this post is gonna get a lot of scammer spam, isn’t it?
CHANPENG ZAO (6th November, 4.47 p.m.)
As part of Binance’s exit from FTX equity last year, Binance received roughly $2.1 billion USD equivalent in cash (BUSD and FTT). Due to recent revelations that have came to light, we have decided to liquidate any remaining FTT on our books. We will try to do so in a way that minimizes market impact. Due to market conditions and limited liquidity, we expect this will take a few months to complete. Binance always encourages collaboration between industry players. Regarding any speculation as to whether this is a move against a competitor, it is not. Our industry is in it’s nascency and every time a project publicly fails it hurts every user and every platform. We typically hold tokens for the long term. And we have held on to this token for this long. We stay transparent with our actions.
SBF passes Caroline a folder. Caroline takes the contents out of the folder and studies it like an over-eager teenager doing work experience, which is really what she is.
CAROLINE ELLISON (6th November, 3.32 p.m.)
A few notes on the balance sheet info that has been circulating recently. That specific balance sheet is for a subset of our corporate entities, we have > $10b of assets that aren’t reflected there. The balance sheet breaks out a few of our biggest long positions; we obviously have hedges that aren’t listed. Given the tightening in the crypto credit space this year we’ve returned most of our loans by now.
CAROLINE ELLISON - CONT'D (6th November, 5.03 p.m.)
@cz_binance if you’re looking to minimize the market impact on your FTT sales, Alameda will happily buy it all from you today at $22!
CZ looks at Caroline. He’s about to answer but is interrupted by ridiculous Sam Bankman Fried, who from here on out will be referred to as SBF because his name is stupid and far too long and doesn’t deserve repeating anyway.
SBF (6th November, 6.50 p.m.)
Seriously SEND is awesome. It’s the omni box for money (soon we’ll merge blockchain into the same box!) Right now, sending money internationally is a pain in the ass. People are paying 10’s of percent’s, waiting weeks, and hoping that it lands. Crypto can do better. It works domestically and internationally. It works with relatives and with employees. Because that’s how blockchain works: it just works. Anyway I was going to write a different thread, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself of something we’d all do well to remember: that we’re all in this together, and I wish the best to everyone driving the industry forward. Because I respect the hell out of what y’all have done to build the industry as we see it today, whether or not they reciprocate, and whether or not we use the same methods. Including CZ. Anyway, as always, it’s time to build. Make love (and blockchain), not war.
SEND!
ELON MUSK, never one to be left out of proceedings, drives into the room in a Cybertruck, climbs out of its broken window and sits between SBF and Caroline.
ELON MUSK (6th November, 11.53 p.m.)
Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying “parody” will be permanently suspended.
SBF (7th November, 12.28 a.m.)
A huge thank you to everyone who has supported us. We’re excited to keep climbing together. And especially to those who stay level headed during crazy times. We deeply appreciate it. A bunch of unfounded rumours have been circulating. FTX keeps audited financials etc. And, though it slows us down sometimes on product, we’re highly regulated. We’ve already processed billions of dollars of deposits/withdrawals today; we’ll keep going. (Taking up anti-spam checks to process more, sorry if you got those). We’re hitting node rate capacity, will keep going. Also tons of USD <> stablecoin conversions going on. And in the end you should do what you want, and trade where you want. We’re grateful to those who stay; and when this blows over we’ll welcome everyone else back. As always, a huge thank you to our supporters. And to everyone else, as well, as long as they keep building and keep moving the industry forward. We’ll keep building too.
FTX OFFICIAL (7th November, 1.11 a.m.)
Need David Attenborough to narrate crypto twitter today
ELON MUSK (7th November, 1.15 a.m.)
Widespread verification will democratize journalism & empower the voice of the people.
INT. GARY GENSLER’S OFFICE, WASHINGTON D.C - DAY
A smiling GARY GENSLER studies a spreadsheet, turns the page and draws a giant CROSS across the page. He CACKLES like a maniac as he rocks backwards and forwards on his FTX cushion.
INT. AN OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – DAY
Someone has written ‘stop fucking shitposting FTX Twitter‘ on a whiteboard.
FTX OFFICIAL (7th November, 1.23 a.m.)
Ah sorry – to be clear: FTX is fine, withdrawals were slow as we refill hot wallets but have been processing all day. Support updates: matching engine/etc. all running smoothly. BTC withdrawals: churning through them; node is throughput limited. We’re switching it to process from both ends, which should help speed it up. Stablecoins: processing. Banks are closed for the weekend, though; USD <> stablecoin creations/redemptions might be slower until wires clear tomorrow, especially for some coins/chains.
ELON MUSK (7th November, 4.40 p.m.)
Hardcore Democrats or Republicans never vote for the other side, so independent voters are the ones who actually decide who’s in charge!
DAVID HASSELHOFF walks into the room carrying a Scorpions Greatest Hits Record. He sits next to CZ.
DAVID HASSELHOFF (7th November, 5.54 p.m.)
Hasselfluff . Good name for a cat ! Thanks to the firefighters who rescued the cat!
FTX OFFICIAL (7th November, 6.51 p.m.)
Reminder that FTX is like 300 people and you can estimate our revenue from our weekly buy and burn. This thread will be our last serious one on the topic before we go back to our normal updates and shit-posting. We have one of the highest revenue/profit/valuation per employee as any company in the world.
INT. GARY GENSLER’S OFFICE, WASHINGTON D.C - DAY
GARY GENSLER is rolling around on the floor.
We have one of the highest revenue/profit/valuation per employee as any company in the world
INT. AN OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – EVENING
FTX OFFICIAL (7th November, 8.28 p.m.)
Can you add some cucumbers?
A montage of computer screens, numbers and notifications tumbling down:
Withdraw failed.
Withdraw failed.
Withdraw failed.
Withdraw failed.
EXT. ANCHORAGE, ALASKA. SUBURBS - DAY
Seven polar bears walk down an empty street.
INT. AN OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – AFTERNOON
SBF (8th November, 5.03 p.m.)
Hey all: I have a few announcements to make. Things have come full circle, and FTX.com’s first, and last, investors are the same: we have come to an agreement on a strategic transaction with Binance for FTX.com. Our teams are working on clearing out the withdrawal backlog as is. This will clear out liquidity crunches; all assets will be covered 1:1. This is one of the main reasons we’ve asked Binance to come in. It may take a bit to settle etc. We apologize for that. But the important thing is that customers are protected. A huge thank you to CZ, Binance, and all of our supporters. This is a user-centric development that benefits the entire industry. CZ has done, and will continue to do, an incredible job of building out the global crypto ecosystem, and creating a freer economic world. I know that there have been rumours in media of conflict between our two exchanges, however Binance has shown time and again that they are committed to a more decentralized global economy while working to improve industry relations with regulators. We are in the best of hands.
EXT. US SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION, WASHINGTON D.C.
GARY GENSLER gets into a limo.
INT. AN OFFICE, LOCATION UNDISCLOSED – SAME TIME
CZ (8th November, 5.09 p.m.)
This afternoon, FTX asked for our help. There is a significant liquidity crunch. To protect users, we signed a non-binding LOI, intending to fully acquire FTX.com and help cover the liquidity crunch. We will be conducting a full DD in the coming days. There is a lot to cover and will take some time. This is a highly dynamic situation, and we are assessing the situation in real time. Binance has the discretion to pull out from the deal at any time. We expect FTT to be highly volatile in the coming days as things develop.
STAN (8th November, 6.07 p.m.)
Oh my God, they killed Kenny.
CZ (8th November, 7.57 p.m.)
All crypto exchanges should do merkle-tree proof-of-reserves. Banks run on fractional reserves. Crypto exchanges should not. Binance will start to do proof-of-reserves soon. Full transparency.
GARY V (8th November, 10 p.m.)
#humble, #positivity #grateful
EXT. SYDNEY – NIGHT
A man sits in front of his computer, crying.
EXT. CARLISLE – DAY
A woman sits in front of her computer, crying.
CZ (8th November, 11.05 p.m.)
Two big lessons: 1: Never use a token you created as collateral. 2: Don’t borrow if you run a crypto business. Don’t use capital “efficiently”. Have a large reserve. Binance has never used BNB for collateral, and we have never taken on debt.
EXT. NEW YORK – DAY
A woman sits in front of her computer, crying.
CZ (9th November, 10.56 p.m.)
Sad day. Tried, but 😢
SBF (10 November, 3.13 p.m.)
Meaningless drivel
FADE TO BLACK
