I'm finally comfortable on the hospital bed. My body is curved into fourths; my head faces the door. Barnabas lies close to me—our beds forming an L shape, our heads inches apart. Except for the bandages, he is completely naked; and his toddler body looks especially innocent in comparison to the explicit horror he has just experienced.
He hasn’t stopped crying since we left the hut, since the fire; and at this point, the sound of his pain has become a white noise to me--the annoying tick of a clock, the aggravating whir of a ceiling fan.
By this time, all of Uganda’s suffering has become white noise to me--the annoying tick of a clock, the aggravating whirl of a ceiling fan. I pull my body up, grab a coloring book and a box of crayons, and give them to him, knowing how fruitless the attempt to distract him from his pain will be.
He scribbles in between a few lines for a few minutes and then lays the crayons and the book beside him. I smile at him, pat him on the head and put everything back onto the floor.
The nurse finally comes back in to check on us, to see how we are faring. She has brought an IV along with her. The whole contraption, the bag and the stand, is rolling alongside her. It reminds me of one of those college girls that tag alongside her aloof boyfriend, one of those needy lovers.
The nurse pushes the IV towards me, intent on administering much-needed fluids; but I catch her eye and determinedly shake my head. By this time, fluids don’t concern me. At this point, life doesn’t feel all that important. She stares at me, worriedly, but I hold a firm gaze. She gets the hint and turns around, taking the IV with her, shutting the hospital room door.
I lie back down and turn my body towards the window, turn my head away from Barnabas. I lie back down and turn my body away from humanity’s collective suffering and let my consciousness become white noise--the annoying tick of a clock, the frustrating whir of a ceiling fan.
I turn my back on myself, on all of my old selves; and I roll myself back to the side of God, roll myself alongside Him, just like a needy lover.
