Eight billion people share this beautiful rock called Earth. We’ve settled its rolling plains, fertile hillsides and expansive coastlines. And we share more than physical space; we share resources, from the air to the water, and every element that sustains life.
Our backgrounds are as diverse as the landscapes we inhabit.
We come from different cultures, speak different languages, follow different religions, and we've had unique experiences. Our beliefs, produced by our varied experiences and backgrounds, are as countless as stars in the night sky.
Globalization and advanced technology are bringing different cultures, ideologies, and perspectives into closer contact, and with this, disagreements and clashes. While conflict is inevitable, if managed correctly, it can spark innovation and progress, leading to improved solutions and outcomes for everyone.
Conflict arises from differences or misunderstandings of needs and values.
Our idea of self is merged with what we value and what we need, so perceived or real challenges to our ideas, values or needs may be viewed as a personal attack.
I learned this lesson after complaining to a friend about a troubling situation. They listened without input and when I stopped talking, they replied, “I understand where you’re coming from, but everyone doesn’t think like you.”
I was floored. I had expected a sympathetic ear who agreed with everything I said and made me feel better. Instead, I got the gift of a different opinion from someone I trusted. This gift opened my eyes to a realization that I hadn’t yet grasped, but understand now.
My needs, values and opinions don’t dictate what is right and wrong for everyone else. If someone thinks or acts in a way I disagree with, it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It also doesn’t diminish their value.
In fact, that person may offer a perspective that I’d benefit from better understanding.
What we have in common connects us, while our differences offer an opportunity to create a better existence for everyone.
But only if we constructively work through conflict so everyone’s needs are met to the best of our ability. How we navigate and resolve conflict influences our ability to thrive.
This lesson on coexistence and mutual flourishing was emphasized by a pair of crowded plants in my garden.
As a self-proclaimed lazy gardener, springtime sprouts are yearly surprises. It’s a fun guessing game identifying what grew back from seeds dropped the previous year. This year, sunflowers sprung through the soil, their stems mere inches apart as they curled toward the sun.
I wondered how they would grow their huge stalks and flowers blooming so closely together.
Leaving them to their own devices, one sunflower took off, unapologetically unfurling leaves and taking up space. The second grew slower, stunted by being overshadowed. But it continued to grow and pretty soon I marveled to notice a lean ever so slightly away from the other. As it leaned, the faster it grew. It was finding its own space to thrive.
I’ve marveled at the lessons plants offer for life situations, including conflict, and I took several lessons from the sunflower twins.
Grow Toward What Nourishes You
Plants grow toward their needs. Sunflowers adore sunlight, so when sunshine was lacking in one position, the sunflower adjusted. The lean continued until both plants had enough room for maximum sun exposure.
I’d thought they might push against each other and compete for the space, resulting in each getting a bit less sun as their leaves overlapped. Instead, the sunflower seemed to understand the abundance of light and its ability to reach it. It leaned toward what it needed until all leaves were under full sun.
Instead of moving against something, the sunflower moved toward something. That was an aha for me.
Admittedly, the leaning plant is a smaller. I imagine this is due to getting less sun early on and using some of its growing power to lean instead of growing upward.
Win Win May Not Mean Equal
It’s easy to consider one of these sunflowers the loser of this conflict because it’s smaller and it’s leaning. But the idea of a loser is only plausible if the sunflowers are compared.
Without considering the other, we’re left with happy, healthy and thriving sunflowers preparing to unleash bright, yellow blooms.
There is no loser.
Unfortunately, people rank traits and compare themselves to determine the value of themselves and others. Plants don’t seem to be burdened with this affliction. They root and bloom to the best of their abilities, adjusting for the best result.
The sunflowers are lucky because as glorious as they are, they seem to have evolved beyond an ego. For humans, our challenge is continuously working to decrease comparisons and ego, and understanding how they harm our ability to overcome conflict.
By checking the ego, we remove personal biases and emotional barriers that often hinder resolution, paving the way for more constructive and empathetic interactions.
Maintain an Abundance Mindset
The sunflowers didn’t push against each other trying to move each other out of the way. There was no need. The sun is abundant and by leaning a bit left, all conflict was removed.
If I believe there is enough of what I need, I will seek it and move toward it. Maintaining a mindset of abundance focuses my attention on what is available and how to attain it.
These plants - and all living things sharing this spinning orb - must use a portion of our shared resources for the best existence possible. Due to our differences, beliefs about a fair share or best existence vary.
Working through this conflict successfully means focusing on what’s needed for the desired result, and searching for solutions that provide an agreeable way forward.
Those sunflowers, having come through their unique journeys, are now thriving side by side. While one started as an impediment to the other, the second didn’t allow that to continue. It didn’t claim its share of resources by spending precious energy pushing against the other either.
It took the path of least resistance, found its own space, and grew into it.
Competing for the same patch of sunshine would have stunted their growth as their leaves overshadowed the other. If we compete, our collective growth is also stunted and valuable resources are expended.
A better option is to cultivate a mindset of abundance and seek creative ways of sharing and leveraging our abilities and resources, taking what we need and leaving space for others to take what they need.
As humans sharing this planet, we are on the same team.
There is no getting around it. We can’t all billionaire our way to outer space to avoid doing what’s best for each other and this planet.
Instead, we should get more comfortable with our differences. These differences, whether cultural, ideological, or otherwise, contribute to the rich tapestry of human experience.
We should also seek to understand each other’s backgrounds and perspectives. I’ve had countless revelations when traveling and believe visiting new places can combat ignorance and challenge bias.
Taking time to explore the root of our values helps us understand how they impact our beliefs, attitudes and opinions.
Greater self-awareness leads to more empathy for others.
The question to ask in a conflict is: what approach supports everyone in moving toward what they need? Through a reflective and inclusive approach, conflict becomes not just a challenge to overcome but an opportunity for growth, learning, and strengthened relationships.
We can work together. We can be better to each other.
There is hope for a collaborative existence that prioritizes what is most needed for the planet and all living things and invests our time and attention there. Everything depends on it.
