Pebble by Pebble.
Piece by Piece.
What is in front I pick up
Then rest back at my feet.
It takes not a moment.
Not a second in time.
But a significant chunk.
A substantial moment of life.
At the moment I am encompassed.
Only this view I can see.
What surrounds me is now blurry.
Other perspectives are non-existent to me.
A trance in the moment.
Tunnel vision they say.
There seems no ability to pick up
And get on with my day.
As seconds push onward,
My pile enlarges in size.
Another piece picked
And set to the side.
I am creating my burrow.
It is housed inside my mind.
The world can keep churning
And within it, I reside.
With each pick and place,
Of the pieces my eyes see.
My burrow deepens.
I am encompassed in the.
My burrow feels safe.
For the time that I am there.
It masks external worry.
It calms my anxiety flares.
These reasons feel valid.
As I continue to dig deeper inside.
I am escaping the fears.
That are present in life.
When reality sets in,
As more moments pass by
I understand that my burrow
Was avoidance disguised.
It tricked me.
It got me.
I believed it again.
I burrowed myself in.
To escape the fears held within.
Maybe others have burrows
That look unique to their own.
Though in those moments I feel
As if I am alone.
If my burrow were illustrated.
It is busy that you would see.
I would be cleaning and planning.
No dust would surround.
All plans are on the calendar.
There would be no reason to ask “how”?
I would be focused on the external.
The people and things around me.
Yet when I would look in the mirror.
Exhaustion is what I would see.
It is at that moment that I would catch it.
I would recognize that place in which I am.
Then I would feel defeated.
For the fact that I burrowed once again.
A false sense of safety.
False hope for peace.
A distraction scare tactic.
A way to avoid what is needed by me.
I have burrowed.
Then resurfaced.
Then burrowed once more.
It is a pattern to understand.
It is a tool that once served.
The goal is to grow awareness.
To enclose the burrows that have been made.
To walk closer with my soul.
So strength I can gain.
Maybe burrows have their place.
Maybe we need them from time to time.
But outside of the burrow
Is the start of my life.
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