In yoga, I have been taught
That your attunement with each body part
In conjunction with each motion, each breath
Can transform the experience that you have of each step.
From the tips of your fingers to the ends of your toes
The amount of engagement you put in
Will determine the impact of your flow.
I can go through the motions of a practice
Without syncing the movement with the breath
I can hold a pose, physically
Without actively engaging the various parts of my body
Where the heart of the practice could be met.
For a long time, I did this.
I executed the movements.
I held each pose.
Yet I had a lack of awareness of the depths of the possibility within each motion that I chose.
As a beginner, a newbie
I felt good in that flow.
Though as my practice has matured
There is so much more engagement that I now know.
As I think about this process
The progress that is at play
I think about the reality of many aspects of life
Relating to this, each in their own way.
A dancer going through the motions
Reflecting that taught move in the mirror.
Executing the choreography
Without connecting in their soul
With the steps as they go.
Then after some time
After their practices continue on
Reaching into the depths of their being
To reflect in their bodily movement
The true heartbeat of a story
Through their gestures meshed with the lyrics of the song.
A guitar player when they first grasp the instrument
Plucking at the strings
Timid in their touch
After some time,
After moments for their being to relax
Instead of plucking each string
They now strum as the melody flows from their being.
Somewhere along the way,
Along the journey of life
I came face to face with an undue awareness of my being
Of myself in this life.
Of the way that I looked
To others, to me.
Of the way that I was
Of how I felt that I was supposed to be.
An awareness, heightened.
Turned from two to ten.
An awareness, exaggerated.
Turned from passive to obsessed.
Many fears and self struggles
Resulted from that shift
Like the yoga and the dancer
The guitar player, too.
This piece has shifted
As I have worked and grown
As my attunement with my soul
Has continued to brew.
You see, I have experienced it being easier
To hide my true self.
To hide from my authentic desires and dreams
In this world filled with comparison,
Expectations and highlighted life scenes.
I have often walked into desires
With timid steps, on tippy toes.
For those self-conscious pieces
Those doubts inside
Were roaring their voices
Desperately desiring the spotlight.
As I have grown and changed
As my awareness and internal process has been given strength
That hesitation is still there
But I can overcome it with my internal foundation's grown strength.
To hold the self in.
To allow the self to flow out.
Two pieces
Many possibilities
We can progress, from inside to out.
There is an additional example of this lesson, this insight.
December marks six months
Of consecutive pieces being shared weekly on this site.
I have turned to writing my whole life.
From my elementary school short stories
To the diary I wrote in as I grew up in my childhood room
There are pieces that I have shared
Externally published
There are pieces I have held close, kept in.
For years, I have desired to share my writings with the world.
To pluck those poems from my journal
To publish them on paper or a site.
As I sit here
In this month that is the sixth
I feel a sense of gratitude in my heart
As I ponder that win.
For so long I told myself no
The pieces are not good enough or too much.
I spiraled with worry that they would not be understood
If their presence took sight.
Like the practice of yoga.
The process of dance.
Of playing an instrument.
It has been scary and freeing
A journey, a road
A process of discovery
Of embracing imperfection
Of learning as I go.
Six months, this month.
Half a year, here.
I want to thank you for reading.
For listening.
For taking in.
This virtual space of mine
Holds a profound depth, in my heart, within.
I yearn to keep going.
To keep sharing.
To release that grip of the fear.
Thank you for your time.
For making the space to be here. ✨
ON THE INSIDE is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thank you for being here!
