Ah, another weird day, but let's start from the beginning.
For the last 2 months or so, I've been skipping sleep twice a week on average. One day, I can't manage to sleep; the next day, I sleep for 12–14 hours. The absence of typical responsibilities, the stress of survival, and everything I want to work through do that.
I wouldn't recommend it.
On Saturday, I managed to keep my promise to myself to not go partying despite the temptations.
I only went to a barbecue for the birthday of one of my friends at noon. While it was nice to exchange hugs and news with friends I hadn't seen in more than a month, the environment could be better.
You see, those mfers had the idea to do the barbeque outside on a windy, freezing day. When I am outside and it's cold, my back kills me.
I lasted for about 2 hours and went back home, one hour away. I felt pretty old ngl. It's a work in progress, though.
At home, I decided that I wanted to just play the Sperm Game, chill, and chat. The next few days are going to be hard as I am finishing the group assignment for my Metaverse project idea,
"Beyond the Verse"
Thankfully, my classmates are very skilled and have a high work ethic.
Around 2 a.m. I saw a message from Johnny, who has likely gotten worse with his demons, and I didn't want to reply, so I went to sleep.
At 6:30 a.m. I was up, a small miracle these days, and I thought, "Oh, maybe I should go for a run?"
Ι came close to the window, it was domed "Bruh, it's freezing outside", I cleaned it and what did I see?
My little sister is walking fast through the cold wind. I smiled. I am so proud of that kid. She's 21 and heading to her double shift in an elderly hospital, where she's working as a nurse.
It's funny that we weren't close most of our lives due to our age difference and because I was away from home most of my adulthood.
For the last 6 months, we have been living together in our colorful cave, and I think she's a pivotal reason I haven't flipped out.
As I was looking through the window, I imagined KitKat running through the rain, recording herself with the hope of making people move their asses.
"You are such a fuckin puss*, Senti," I heard her saying.
I smiled again.
"Fuck it, I will go and catch the dawn."
But before that, I danced in the living room with passion and handwrote a rough draft of what you are reading now.
The evening came.
And a LinkedIn message with it. On Saturday, I also did a video application for a freelancing opportunity.
They replied that they wanted to do a final test with me and move on if I did well.
I haven't replied yet because this is an ethical dilemma.
You see, while in theory it's easy money, I have to write for sports gambling.
I am so against it, not only in general but because I have seen a really ugly side of it.
But that's a story for another time.
I have been on the edge for so many months financially, and I still don't want to do it.
Maybe it's because when you struggle for so long, you want your atonement to start more beautifully.
I will decide tomorrow with a clear mind.
You see, it's always important for me the way I earn my money.
I may not have solved any of my problems yet, but nobody, especially my inner self, can say
that I am not trying.
And for today, that's all I need.
Thank you for reading 🪄❤
