Cover photo

I Open at Close

1/1/23

He entered the Temple. Not Alone. Q was with him; Q didn’t know at that moment that it was saving him from himself and the loneliness.

But he knew. How lucky he was!

He took a month off; it was fair, but not enough.

One day, he went to the Basement.

It was Friday. He returned on Monday.

Q saved him again. It was the last time.

And also the first time that he cried about the Lady after so many months of pain, in Lola's room, under the red blanket.

The “Gazoza” story, as he refers to it.

The spring came, and with it, the Meta-511 story, which was the best way that he managed to help himself through the year.

He thought that winter was behind him for good.


Then he saw the Lady after months, and as he went to take his stuff for the place they lived together for a while, almost a year after their break-up, he left a letter in the bathroom.

It was ten pages long. The title was "Always.”.

They didn’t talk about them.

She said afterward, “It was a very nice move.”

A few weeks passed.

She met him in a coffee shop, and they talked in such a natural way like that nothing had happened.

Then she came to his home, it was almost ready, back then, the “Colorful Cave”.

They talked about their pain.

She just hugged him, but with words that returned the hope.

After some time, they met again at a concert.

He thought that he could take the rejection, so he took the risk to try again.

She was probably thinking the same.

“You will be fine,” she said

Both were so wrong that it’s almost funny now.

You see, it took him until the final month of this year to put the trauma under some control. Still, his biggest fear is seeing her randomly, and there hasn’t been a day that the Lady doesn’t pop into his mind so far. Some days she stays for minutes, others for hours.

I hope that the day she won’t appear, just one day, isn't that far. Otherwise, she won’t be a person that he loved but rather a ghost.

The Summer came, and he hustled hard for that MSc scholarship. He was working two jobs; one was heavy; he was in pain every day, but he did it to help his old father. He wanted to pay back the mental debt for the help he received from his parents.

But he was patient since the summer adventures were close. On the last day before he left, he delivered the MSc scholarship application. And with it, an email to request a role on a team that he admired deeply.

And he started the vacation that he had been dreaming of as his atonement.

That didn’t go well, and as you may know, he made the same mistakes again, searching for love in those deep, black eyes and the bright smile in an attempt to heal himself.
He lost a friend, although he still thinks it was the best for him. Such a temptation—his co-existence with Johnny.

“The Destruction Duo," as the rest of the crew named them.


After Summer Stories ended, he was ready to heal himself and hunt for a Web3 job to manage to pay for the Master.

Then the mail that he sent just before his vacation was answered: It was the institute he had dreamed of being a part of for almost a year.

He scheduled the call. He had a week to prepare, and he spent it doing a content strategy presentation with a lot of examples. He received good feedback and a request for more content. He did that. We definitely want you, they said. He even got into a call with his future team member.

And when he asked, "When will we start officially?", they delayed the answer, “It’s not a good time now," until November, when he asked again to receive the following response:

“We don’t have a position that aligns with your profile…”

He wasn’t mad but disappointed, wondering what he could have done better. He quickly understood that he puts more trust in people he doesn’t know very well because he prefers to believe in others rather than himself.

He has no job and a very challenging Master along with a broken back and emotional struggles. But he didn’t miss a deadline, even though he doesn’t see the point yet. It’s just an unexplained conviction.

From tomorrow, his monthly income will be just enough for the MSc, ChatGpt, and Twitter subscriptions.

Zero pennies will be left.

He prefers to give up smoking, coffee, and parties rather than his studies.

And for some reason, he awaits that moment, which he has been stressing over for the last few months. He thinks that maybe he did that on purpose to find a way to be happy without toxic habits.

And because when you are really on the edge, you either defy fear, grow, or change yourself for the better.

Or you give up.

And surrender yourself to comfort.


The year starts again, back in the Temple.

This time..he doesn’t really know what to do.

But he knows what to not do.

Will he come back?

I fucking hope so.

We will find it together, I guess.

A lot of good things happened too; he continues to bond deeper with his friends and make new ones. In the end, he believes in the power of people, it makes him keep going.

And most importantly, he keeps writing every day.

But he writes for the pain because he makes him push the ceiling higher and higher even if he sits on the bottom, most days.

The above things may or may not have happened. You see, they are all blurred some days, and other days they are crystal clear. But the thing with people’s stories is they aren’t still. They always change, no matter how many times you tell them. Because you are changing as well through time and your current presence. I think that’s why it’s so important to write them. 

We need to capture the history so the story can evolve closer to the way we dream.

What’s that?

I think our most common desire is freedom.

Fight for freedom, my friend.

Thank you for reading.


After 23, comes 24...

May it bless you so fucking much 🪄❤

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