CHEBOYGAN — Fortune smiled upon you today when your grandmother made you an offer you couldn’t refuse. She offered a whole U.S. dollar, in paper form, for you to repair what she believed to be her broken Bitcoin.

Knowing that Granny Maternal was clearly mistaken because her Bitcoin couldn’t possibly be broken, you eagerly took her up on the offer. It would have been the easiest dollar you’ve ever earned. However, it played out a little differently than you had expected.

Upon arriving at Granny’s, you found her in front of her laptop with a confused look on her face as she stared at her screen. You expected to show her again how to log into her nice, safe Coinbase account, then show her there’s nothing wrong with the .005 BTC she owns. It wasn’t the Coinbase website you saw when Granny turned the laptop screen to face you, though.

You noticed no less than a dozen browser tabs open displaying graphs with red and green bars, others with code, and a bunch of other stuff you couldn’t identify. Your grandma said, “I cross-referenced my last several non-custodial transactions with the Bitcoin blockchain explorer and clearly the smart contract I used with my wrapped BTC on Solana must have been bugged.” Panic began to creep up your spine.

The woman who bore your mother then asked, “Look, can you just figure out where we need to reallocate my portfolio to cover the loss?” You nervously grinned, told her you forgot something in the car, and then hightailed it out of there.

Needless to say, you didn’t earn that crisp dollar bill and then had to consider finding a real job

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