Dear Eyeballs. Please do not blink for the next 4 min.

A lot is going on in Crypto. There is breaking news about the economy, heartwarming tales of how the Son Who Told his Family To Buy ETH at $4500 is Still Loved and Cherished, and other cultural stories, like how Starbucks Cup Sizes Look Even Stupider in the Metaverse.

To top it off, after a successful merge it Turns Out It’s Actually Pronounced Mergé.

The Rug launched its fifth Under The Rug podcast, has shipped an on-chain article on Mirror every Friday, tweets original jokes Mon, Wed, Thurs and conspires to find ways to make its Discord lounge cool. We have not figured that out yet.

There are rumors of a Vol. 2 monthly or seasonal NFT similar to the old newspaper style to be minted and sold at limited edition on Rarible.

Alright, let’s get it.

The Rug is Web3’s mostly credible news source. We take money, seriously.

The Rug places a satirical lens on crypto-culture. Think "The Onion" for Web3. Our Newsletter publication includes:

• The funniest articles

• The best jokes/tweets

• Behind the scenes podcasts

• Throwback newspaper-style NFTs

• Much, much less

All of the above we aim to produce on a regular basis, and The Rug’s Newsletter is where you can catch them all in one spot, shipped str8 to your inbox.

Do rug a friend.

BREAKING — FTX to Launch Sam Bankman-Fried Chicken

SBF knows no bounds, and they’re expanding into the food sector. CEO Bankman-Fried noted, “Crypto is cool, but my real passion has always been mouth-watering, perfectly seasoned fried chicken.” In this article, which has already been collected by 10 people, Perchy digs in, and it’s finger lickin’ good.

All FTX users will receive a 10% discount on their first order of chicken (with purchase of two or more combo meals). Tornado Cash users are blocked from eating here.

OPINION — If The Real Profit Was the Friends We Made Along The Way Can I Still Get My Initial Investment Back?

Hey, it’s not all about the benjamins, is it? In one of The Rug’s first opinion articles, Redemption Fox asks the simple question, “Can I get my initial investment back?” This socio-cultural article highlights the sweet value of the friends we’ve made along the way.

I HODL’d and Diamond Hand’d when our founder was doxxed and turned out to be a twice-convicted white-collar criminal.

BREAKING — Riots Ensue Following Developer Lives Matter Movement

Open source programmers are looting and burning down buildings in the sandbox. We already learned that Tornado Cash Users Soared as imprisoned developers taught fellow inmates how to use it, and that Netflix had to postpone its new hit show, Arrested Developer. Sponge digs in deeper with this article, and looks at life for developers from behind the bars.

Some developers have resorted to coding in ink, by getting tattoos of a certain government sanctioned code on their body. One security focused inmate told us that he has his private keys tattooed on the inside of his butt cheeks, claiming, "it puts a whole new meaning to, 'don't drop the soap'.

HEARTWARMING — Son Who Told Family To Buy ETH at $4500 Still Loved and Cherished

It’s hard to not give financial advice to your loved ones when all you want to do is tell them to buy bitcoin and ethereum at the height of every bull cycle. The good news is, in this one isolated instance, this family still loves their son.

Man Lost For 10 Years In Arbitrum Odyssey Finally Makes it Home

Apparently you can spend pret’ near a decade on layer two without ever making it home. This simple user thought he was merely sending a little ether over there to kick the tires on this new layer 2, and he ended up making fire and befriending a volleyball.

UPDATE — Do Kwon Agrees to Pay Fines in Terra IOUs

When asked to foot the bill Do Kwon pulled some jedi Tai Kwon Do type-stuff, and conditionally accepted so long as he could pay in Terra IOUs.

TECHNOLOGY — Turns Out It’s Actually Pronounced Mergé

In case you needed to see the proof on this one, here it is.

ECONOMY — Local Man Uses Starbucks Reward Points As Collateral To Buy More Dickbutts

While we can’t believe that we’d be writing this, it appears as if Starbucks reward points are now being collateralized to purchase more “Dickbutts”. That’s the end of that story.

COMMERCE — Starbucks Sizes Even Stupider In Metaverse

Starbucks sizes are equally unintelligently named in Web3. Starbucks who has been making some on-chain type moves with its brand managed to botch this one as well. “I’d like a tall small latte please.”

MARKETS — 51% of TA Experts Agree Ethereum Will Still Exist After The Merge

The Rug had its finest analysts study the patterns, and more than half agreed that ethereum would still exist after the merge. As chance would have it they were correct, they’re usually right half the time.

Under The Rug is a crypto-comedy podcast based on the hardest hitting headlines in Web3. In each episode a rotating cast of the comedians at The Rug get together to chop peanuts, craft jokes, and discuss things semi-crypto comedy related.

Our fifth episode, entitled, “Abort, Abort!” is now available. In this fifth episode of Under The Rug subjects mentioned included technical difficulties, merge parties, rogue miners, PoW ETH, Dework, Mirror minting on Optimism, The Rug newsletter, Rarible, Zora, Lens.xyz and Stani, recent tweets, quadratic funding, crypto dinosaurs, The Gur and much much less…

Between Nov of 2021 & March of 2022 The Rug shipped six classically inspired news NFT’s. Half of them are still available. Get one and join our discord.

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Bonus Content: *Quadratic Funding *by Perchy & Frank America

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