Hello friends, I'm thrilled that you've clicked on this link to read my blog post. This is a space where I write letters between my present, past, and future selves. Hope you enjoy it.
You must be surprised to see that after all these years of being disconnected from writing, I have finally decided to pick up the pen. Please allow me to express myself in a subtle way.
The reason to start writing the newsletter
As the approach to expressive writing
After listening to the podcast No big deal, I realized my mental illness of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). The worst part of my illness is that I seek up-to-date information and knowledge every second, but afraid of sharing and commenting because of the fear of being judged. The consequence is that unorganized pieces of information and undone tasks fulfill my brain, dampening my enthusiasm and motivation for content creation. When I tried to find the source of GAD, symptoms appeared when I entered high school when I also could not feel the happiness and enthusiasm in creating. I want to share more details of my GAD symptoms and methods I tried to self-care in the future. Still, I want to tell you that I decided to live a slow life, learning the way of resting and expressive writing rather than being dominated by endless self-criticism and meta-thinkings. However, resting and expressive writing seems easy but difficult for me. Endless university tasks and reports filled my life, and I could not stop thinking and taking a rest with undone tasks. Besides, I have never shared my true feelings with people other than my parents, let alone expressed myself on social media, leading to my inability to honestly record my perception.
Therefore, I have tried several solutions to these problems. I only took ten courses in the most hesitant semester and took up Zen training at Shuzen Temple. I wish to find out the most suitable lifestyle for me. For the problem of inability in expressive writing, I attempt to write the newsletter. Although at Epoché, I cannot write entirely for myself yet, I hope it will become the turning point for me to show my real self.
I chose to write the newsletter rather than start a blog because I could build relationships with a small group of people without thinking about attracting titles and photos. The only thing I want to do is record my thoughts, other than sharing experiences or raising opinions (although it sounds contradicting.)
The word "Epoché" comes from phenomenology, meaning suspension of judgments and assumptions. I borrow this word with respect and combine Zen's philosophy to remind myself not to hurry up to analyze or make judgments on everything in daily life. Don't try to clarify all the intricate things in this unstable world; focus on my feelings and perceptive experience in the present moment, and retain the leading of my physicality.
Thank you for your reading!