Hi Marcelinha.
This is how you're called so far. And you'll be called like this until you're 29, don't ever worry about changing it.
I can't tell you more about the future, we didn't get there yet.
You know, you'd be proud of us. We got so far! we did well. Although I've gotta say sorry for some stuff.
Life didn't come out as we thought it would, it was actually better.
Right now we live in southern Brazil, you don't actually like it here. But forget about going back to our hometown! We don't fit there anymore. I don't know where we are going. And honestly, it doesn't matter!
We have no kids yet, but we have plans to have them the next year and I'm eager to see if they will come with that cute little face and strong personality. We were always proud of not giving up on who we were. I am so thankful for that.
You know what? as of now you already know how to write and read. Mom and dad are going to put you on english classes in a couple of years. You'll thank them later. This will allow you to find good people, live in the US and learn lots of other languages.
You know you dreamed about living in the US? you will. It is going to be a fun time and you'll miss it forever, but as of now we accept life as it is, and if we have the chance, maybe we'll live there again.
People actually keep saying you're too smart. Believe them. Embrace it. It's not something to be ashamed of.
I would like to thank you for never stop being so lovely. This is us, right? I'm so sorry I have to tell you some people will take advantage of that.
I have put us in bad sheets, marcelinha. It's all solved now, but it wasn't easy for me. It won't be easy for you.
You will want to give up so many times. In fact, you will try. Twenty-three times, to be exact. It's going to be hard for some years and you'll believe you don't fit.
We really don't. We weren't born for fancy sneakers, expensive parties, huge luxury, superficial relationships. We were put in this environment... but this isn't us. This is why you feel like you don't fit.
You're someone that could rescue someone else from the worst days of their lives, even if it's costly. But you'll have a hard time to walk on shallow waters.
In fact, you'll save so many people. And you're gonna get saved lots of times too.
Hang on to that computer dad is going to give you in 3 years. He'll help you through all your life. There is somewhere in the world where people understand us.
But now is the time I tell you we've been mean to people sometimes. And they were mean to us too. You'll get a bunch of tattoos later on so that you never forget what really matters. Mom isn't gonna like it very much, but she'll get over it.
I am so sorry to have let you try to fit with the girly girls.. I know it was our only choice back then, but you've always liked soccer and videogames. Please stop blaming yourself for that.
Also stop praying for a boyfriend! This isn't what you want. You want a higher level of connection, and that is comprehensible. We've tried boys, we don't like them.
We are into girls and you'll notice this by 10 or 11 years old, but will try to ignore it. Mom says it's freaky and disgusting. She will change her mind and will absolutely love our wife later on.
For going through this road trying to ignore who we are for some years, bad things will happen marcelinha. Things we thought would be only reserved to movies.
I can't stop you for going through this, but I can assure you we will get through it. I am still trying and won't give up on us. We are safe now.
Well, we will never be safe as we are women, but there are risks we are no longer exposed. Does this make you happy?
Enjoy your legs as they have no scars. We are going to have a shitty boyfriend later on and he's gonna guide us through some shitty choices. I am sorry to have let you go through this. We are now proud of our scars, they scream to the world we survived. This won't be our only bad dating experience. But it doesn't matter this much...
We married a girl. She's amazing. So incredible you feel like you'll explode looking at her. She's not perfect (because perfection is a curse), and damn she's so pretty you're gonna keep asking yourself how did you manage to marry someone that looks like this! She's lovely. She'll take care of you and put you first. We still believe in happy endings.
You'll soon forget about the worries you had in previous relationships. You know what, marcelinha? the worst part of all relationships is when we forget what we want and who we are. You'll learn this pretty fast.
People seem to get magnetically attracted to you. I am still not sure why. You won't find out until it's past gone, but it's still impressive. Until you're 18 you'll believe you are despicable, you'll be ashamed of yourself, you'll refrain from going out.
I am sorry I let you go through this too.
You're amazing. We just had to understand not all of us feel good in make up and high heels... this doesn't make you less of a woman. This does not make you less pretty. Stop treating yourself like that! We'll still have to deal with this for the next few years.
Well this will actually still be affected by the fact our brain isn't normal. We always knew, right? Now they have a name for it. Don't worry! This won't define us.
We were raised good. But there's one last thing I've gotta say sorry for.
We won't be able to say goodbye to grandma or grandpa. First we'll be blindly believing she'll be better. Then we will be too far. This is the thing I have to tell you we still haven't worked out. I could not find a place to forgive myself. It hurts so much it burns me to the ground. So do something for me: value these moments. Each of them.
Every single time when all dozens of us are sharing the same bed while talking about our life issues of just watching a fun tv program. The sunday lunches, soccer games, family parties. This is something we will never forget.
We know what love feels like. This is rare, you'll later find on.
Devotional. Unconditional. Fulfilling. You'll get this from lots of places. Specially from the brother you don't know is coming and your whole family.
There's so many things I want to tell you, but I have to go now. Our two cats keep asking for food next to me and we got a shitty job! Actually, many jobs.. Like I said, life wasn't like we thought. But I hope someday we can find out that our job does not define us.
Or maybe we shouldn't care about the "job". I know this is what you would say to me.
Just know that years ahead, I look back to you and I'm proud. Never rip that Avril Lavigne poster from your wall. You have no idea how she's gonna help us later on.
Thank you for always being yourself to the fullest. I still feel it almost 3 decades later. This is what I look for when I'm sad.
I know you're hiding somewhere within me. And this is my best part.
Marcela, 29 y.o.
