Not too long ago, I wrote this rather vulnerable verse to an infectious beat that @shvnlocalcrew shared with the world. I shared thoughts on self-reflection, interspersed with tech / AI easter eggs. I soon found it to be one of my favorite verses Iāve written in a while, for many reasons.
š When played on repeat, the verse loops perfectly.
ā This was the intent & I couldnāt have been happier with how it turned out.
āš¾ As for the Verseā¦.
ā I wrote it on a July morning in a calm state of introspection, with thoughts of where Iām at in life. Pondering what within my control, has been hindering me from moving closer towards my vision & purpose.
The verse begins:
āŖ Took me all this time to make my mind up
Still aināt made my mind in its completion
Itās an endless seam of dreams
& patterning of different reams & chaptersā¦ āŖ
ā Here, I was really ruminating on the fact that the first obstacle holding me back was meā¦ and my indecision.
Have you ever observed those sobering thoughts with clarity? Not coming from a space of judgement or guilt, but more in a matter-of-fact, āit is what it is, now whatās the solution?ā kind of way?
Not only was it a reflection on the indecision Iāve experienced, it was also in observation of the perfectionism and the possibly undiagnosed 'neurodivergent' or ADHD-like thinking patterns that color my beautifully distracted mind to no end. Hence, the āendless seam of dreams & patterningsā.
I go onā¦
āŖ I skipped with season passes
Seen the masters
Still searching for what I should master āŖ
ā What I meant here was that, I seem to either check out or dive in with blind regard for extended periods of time, for the sake of work or rest. As in, Iām likely to take a whole season to figure things out, to get through things, to recalibrate.
Have you struggled with that at all? I give myself the leeway to say I simply operate in āsemestersā of sorts, however, I might benefit from different perspectives here.
Iāve seen masters of their craft, yet Iām āstill searching for what I should masterā. I fall into that category of being a 'Jack of All Trades'ā¦ artfully torn between niches & desperately trying to find a way to coalesce all that resonates into a unified presentation of self; a vessel of real value. Many words to say, even at 32 years of age, Iām still finding my way.
āŖ I dibbed & dabbled
Smoked a dab & licked a tab
Got rid of that to walk a different path
I never said I was infallible āŖ
ā Some time ago, I shared another š post, one with the first lines being:
I havenāt found the meaning yet. I havenāt lost hope, completely ā
Though it waxes & wanes, Iāve found ways to replenish.
To anā¦
3
That sentiment also captures the essence of what I'm conveying here in this bar. Owning up to my wayward steps, acknowledging that I'm not as clean cut as I might strive to be. My path to becoming a better version of me was riddled with foolishness, risk-taking, and experimentation.
āŖ I stepped the lateral
Then climbed a ladder up
The latter which,
Had switched the scenes to what I bring to thee
In lucid verses āŖ
ā Here is where I use alliteration to acknowledge that I consciously make decisions to sidestep away from continuing down paths I know are not in alignment with the version of myself that I aim to be. It's incremental, one step at a time like a ladder. It's my second favorite bar of the verse.
It is those choices that put me in the position to have this lucid perspective, the one that I wield in lyrical form to share my views, personal stories of growth, reflections & self-development with you... with the world.
āŖ A universe of multitudes
Contained within it
All my lyrics be the language model āŖ
ā My favorite bar, here is where I draw the allusion that my verses on their own are a universe that contain multitudes within, then pivoting the metaphor from astronomy to AI. Here I reimagine the "LLM" acronym, stating that my Lyrics are the Language Model.
My appreciation for this bar extends into the next...
āŖ A train of thought that trains the bots to be prolific;
If they ever come across it in this algorithmic distanceā¦ āŖ
ā A play on words, here I use the repetition of the word "train", to allude to different meanings, making use of the "train of thought" idiom as a vehicle to carry the "lyrics" from the LLM of the previous bar, into its purpose to "train the bots". Here I quite literally mean for the result of such training to be prolific, as in bearing fruit or producing greater quantity, higher results.
The next part of this line provides the rest of the context clues to infer that here, I'm talking about social media: "If they ever come across it in this algorithmic distance". The bitter bar exposing a glint of my disdain for the struggles faced when trying to find my audience in the rapids of complex & ever-changing algorithms.
āŖ Shouting to the void for a quantum leap assistance
Tryna sell myself to save my soul
it aināt no difference āŖ
ā Quite honestly the most cynical of my vulnerable bars from this verse. It feels weird to expound upon, but I literally felt as though I was writing a desperate plea in this bar... Tired of feeling as though the work I have been doing to be heard would never even reach the destination of another's ears.
I go on to lament with a subtle recognition that it all falls back on me. That I have to continue trying my best to "sell myself" in order to "save my soul", acknowledging that in some ways those are one and the same.
It's a grim pun that calls back to the idioms of "selling one's soul..." which I have no doubt you finished in your own mind. It's dark, it feels wrong, it feels beyond desperate. And that's the emotional weight that I was feeling when considering this dilemma of creating & curating content of my life & art to make a living, specifically at the cadence & whim of the platforms & algorithms that arrest our attention.
I recognize that it can be a pessimistic fallacy. A dark cloud that looms over the mind that doesn't have to be true. There is certainly a silver lining, a more optimistic way to view it all. I simply lost sight of that for a brief moment as I allowed the emotions I was feeling to express themselves fully. I honored the opportunity to be raw & vulnerable in the moment when writing it, to let it stay.
I close out the verse in preparation for returning listeners back to the intro, while wishing them welll...
āŖ Thank you for the listen
Iām just here to wish you Welllā¦
And share with you my thoughts
Hereās what I got & honestly itā¦ āŖ
I close it out the verse, not forgetting to include my signature "Welll...", sending good energy up for all, while also positioning it for the perfect loop.
And thatās the full lyrical breakdown of āSeams of Dreamsā! By collecting this post youāre supporting the writing & explanation of this verse. I have also shared a post on Lens showcasing the actual first recording of this verse as it appeared on Instagram! I have made the video with the actual performance of the verse collectible there on Lens, you can check it out here:
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Mr. Wildenfree šŗšµšµ
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