It's the 1st of August.
The day of the full moon
I am alone with the Fire Girl, and we are hiking in a rush, trying to reach the top of the Minoan mountain before nightfall.
The sun had just set when we stumbled upon an ancient acropolis at the peak.
Many years ago, the villagers built it to protect themselves from unknown threats.
Perhaps it was an unknown fear, fueled by the elders' tales.
The breathtaking view offered a 360-degree panorama of that part of the island. We weren't sure when the full moon would rise, and darkness was quickly enveloping us.
She's worried.
"Let's descend now. I don't want to die today."
Not gonna lie, I almost quipped, "What do we say to the Angel of Death?"
But instead, I reassured her, "Me neither. I've got this. I'll get you down safely, I promise. Just wait a little longer; the moon will rise soon."
We settled on the rocks for a few more minutes, mostly in silence, until I exclaimed, "It's here!"
The moon ascended over the mountains, appearing red, vast, and swift. I took a moment to absorb the scene before saying, "It's hard to imagine a better moment to kiss you. May I?"
"No."
"Okay."
She began to either apologize or complain—I couldn't tell which—but I gently touched her arm.
"It's okay. Now, let's get you down."
I guided her through the ancient Acropolis, holding her hand over the treacherous parts. We exchanged stories and laughter on our way down, with the moonlight illuminating our shared memory.
Once we reached the base, she went to get some ice cream while I headed to the camp.
"Thank you for the memory," she said.
"Thank you too," I replied with a smile.
It's okay, you know?
I didn't let fear or past events change who I am.
Not every story ends as we wish, and I think sometimes that's beautiful; that's life.
As long as we try to create our stories, it's more than okay.
It's how we should live until our own story ends.
The Fire Girl departed two days after that moment. We never said goodbye; perhaps it was for the best. We exchanged a few messages, but the content didn't matter.
After she left, my thoughts drifted back to the Lady, and I realized what I had been suspecting: While both of them were lovable women, I had become overly attached to both of them, trying to fill an inner void.
One thing that bothered me during the last few days was that I was seeing the same people every day.
Some of them were pretty cool, but between myself, the Fire Girl, and 17 other friends, I hadn't connected with any of them.
I am not great at social skills, considering I am almost deaf.
I have 3 days left. I need to just speak, I said to myself. Just a hi, do you have a good time on the island, you know?
Things took a turn on the last morning when I found myself at a camp table after a visit to the moonbar, accompanied by two other guys—a Ph.D. candidate in history and a biologist developer.
As people began to stir and wake up, our conversation veered into topics like life, AI, and the Metaverse. It was both fascinating and surreal. Strangely, I felt ready to leave and return home.
Typically, coming home would plunge me into a bout of melancholy, but this time was different. I returned to my own space, where my sister had lit candles. The aroma, combined with the vibrant walls, brought a smile to my face.
I was back.
But I wanted to approach things differently this time, to start healing after a year of anguish.
Days passed before I could muster the will to open my laptop. I spent most of my time in solitude, indulging in long rides, writing, reading, and helping others.
Change is impossible if you persist in old habits.
So, I imposed numerous restrictions on myself. So I put myself under a lot of restrictions, and while there were still hard days, it was easier to get through them.
I also knew that the Lady was going to leave the country in September, but I didn't know when or if she would want to say goodbye or what I should do on my side.
Teddy told me that the event in which I fell in love with her again, around a year ago, is happening again.
And I decided to go.
During the party, after abstaining from nightlife for six weeks, I found myself slightly inebriated and inside a car.
The Q was behind me, asleep.
My mind was a whirlwind, but one memory stands out:
I envisioned her with that unforgettable smile and said to her with the sweetest tone I could imagine,
"I've tried my best to move on. Please leave now, okay?"
And a few days later, I was at my desk, fighting over a presentation I had to send.
And I looked out of the window.
The morning had come.
And I fuckin felt it—very quiet but sure.
I grabbed the pen.
Kitkat once asked me, Why are you so afraid to see her?
Because, imagine you are thinking of a person who's no longer interested in you as before every single day for hours.
What am I supposed to say?
The words are very heavy for the paper; I wrote on the notebook's cardboard.
I think you left. Today or tomorrow. I don't know.
What I know is that after all the mistakes we made,
We are to the point where ignorance is bliss.
For both of us, even if the reasons differ.
No matter how many countless images my imagination, pain, and hope have shaped for me, in none of them would my atonement come from telling you everything I thought and did.
And without the truth, it's not real.
And with that thought, the pain became much more tolerable.
I wouldn't like to hurt her.
Maybe in the end that's love, idk.
But also, I don't want to hurt myself, and I think that's why I am oversharing right now.
It's my way of remembering and self-healing.
Summer ends today, but the circle of life doesn't stop. Winter is coming.
And in order to not set myself back, to continue the progress, and to find moments of atonement as often as I can, I need to write about the last winter.
Those are going to be my "Winter Stories".
I don't think I will share them under my name because, in that way, I will add a lot of filters.
And they should be raw in order to help people. That's why I am writing on the web, after all.
But if you want to read them, let me know. Send me an 🪄 on Twitter or whatever. And they will find you.
If I had to summarize all the Summer stories, I would say the following:
If you don't stay in love with yourself, nobody's going to do it. At some point, they will leave.
As you may know, loneliness is the worst kind of pain.
Find ways in the journey of life to love yourself, and you won't feel lonely even if you are alone.
You won't be alone either, because people love what they want to become.
Life should be full of love.
A life with lots of love is a good life
Thank you for reading ❤️
Senti 🪄
