a cursory internet search attributes this saying variously to confucius, "native americans," old russian grandmothers, and now-retired legendary crypto traders. regardless of its origin, "he who chases two rabbits catches neither of them" truly does seem a worthy proverb to guide one's decisions in life.

lately my brain has been scattered to the four corners of the earth. i'm definitely chasing way more than two rabbits. it's more like i'm standing in the wind with a piece of fly tape, trying to catch butterflies or something for some kind of weird art project, but instead the tape gets tangled and my hair gets stuck in it and then i'm running for my bus because i lost track of time and it only comes once an hour but the doors close just as i reach them and i trip and a pickup truck with obnoxious little flags on the back aquaplanes across the road and i see my life flash before my eyes, but instead of hurtling into oblivion i just end up a bit drenched and pick myself up and i'm fine and the sun is peeking out of the clouds and my god, it's a damn beautiful day.

yeah, it feels like that inside my head some days.

oh little bunny, why do you always run away?

i'm well aware that being psychotically chaotic is not good for my health. i think it's closely tied to being terminally online, and it's not my actual personality but a normal symptom of the social media dopamine loop. in january of this year, i spent a few weeks in panama and colombia -- it took at least a week before i was able to relax. i was sitting on the beach and i felt stressed. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

one of the best things i did on that trip was to go on a four-day hike to ciudad perdida. no internet, few creature comforts, sweltering heat -- and pristine streams flaked with gold, starry skies, an abundance of rich local knowledge, miles of unexcavated structures, and indigenous spiritual beliefs that absolutely captivated me. the precolombian tribes living in this area only made first contact with the colombians in the 1970s (!!!!!!), a mere 50 years ago! one of the tribes never even comes down from the sierra nevada -- so much of their culture has therefore been preserved, and anthropologically, offers unparalleled insights to a society that lives in complete harmony with nature.

during that trek, i felt fully, wholly human. there was only now. and i revelled in it.

in 1990, some members of the kogi tribe worked with the bbc to create a documentary and share their warnings with us. (highly recommend a watch.) i could wax on forever about my experience in northern colombia, and how many worlds it opened up within me. for now, i must be content in knowing that such harmony can and does exist out there. i choose to know that this chaos is not forever -- so i find ways to enjoy it instead. and i know that i can go back to that place of peace in my head any time i feel like it.

i've digressed. (it's my internet diary, you expected coherence??)

i learned quite a few lessons by minting my first .glb project, kafka said it better. despite the upload limit of 2gb on zora, i think the file could have been optimized much better. i tried to take this into account with my latest piece. this will become a series in its own right -- cute, girly weapons -- because you can look, but don't touch. we might be pretty, but we're filled with rage.

and much like the mietze conte song, it is both cute and disturbing.

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