the Free Fall poem series ❤
//note: the creation is for us to understand that however big the struggle was/is/might be, we could always heal/bounce back/reclaim the power of wisdom, love and all there ever is to explore in the world. *pls believe in the power of L. O. V. E. 

join & interact in our broadcast channel on IG here named ❤ love, heal, chill, experience & explore life w/ a biomedical engineer a.k.a. the loving creator

you love your parents
you love your grandparents
you love the ones who love you and you show 'em that
your generations have your own unique ways
of showing 'em love as well.
being as patient as possible to each other
with so much love
so much that
you choose to treasure these moments
while you love what you have to be doing on your own from now on...
all of the loveliest people around have done their very best
to nurture you all these times...
and you'd be doing the same right now as well...

such a cute baby...

oh, you were never
'just a baby' according to your Mummy
since your birth.

you were born in
the best of times and/or the worst of minds?
with a mix of what you can't tell yet, maybe?

Mum said that you rushed crawling
while you straightened your knees right after
9 months being born on Earth...
standing straight and always looking far
with your heavy body and head
shaking here and there
even when your family members were quite worried
and told you that it's okay to sit, sleep or relax...
ha...
you're just always all hyped up and genuinely curious...
since you're born.
as if you knew what you've always wanted to do
and you can't understand why so many people didn't know what they want to do
'cause you have so much to share with them
that they too could have life anchors
so that they would bounce back with you
every time y'all free fall.

Y O U
were once so happy to arrive on Earth...
you're puzzled 'cause you didn't remember that most amazing part of your life just yet.

right after 3 days of crawlin'
holding or touching the support
all around that you just grasped naturally,
Mum said that you just happened to R-U-N to places happily...
yes, you didn't try walkin'
you only crawled, stood up and ran like a MANIAC!!!

they made a Chinese saying for you
back in Puchong, Selangor, Malaysia...
'don't know how to walk, but just run. 唔识行，就识走；
don't know how to run, but just jump. 唔识走，就识跳；
don't know how to jump, do you know to just fly?' 唔识跳，唔通识飞？
you said whatever until you came back one day, saying:
'well, I didn't answer 'em since decades.
for now, I'll say [Y E S].
and, it's not even going to end as it had only just begun.'

from lil'-to-none of the pictures of yours
in the family's
old glass shelves at the old house

to most of the pictures
being Y O U at the most obvious spots
all around the house...

you're just trying to enjoy life
and each wander appearing in your life,
always...

oh, that LIL' OLD YOU seemed so HAPPY

your fam' also said that they took pictures of yours
when they saw you climbing up to the tallest places,
always???

sitting on top of the slide of in a playground without sliding down...
climbing up some random bars looking far into the distance not knowing what's that...
getting up to sit on the dining table without wanting to get down...

your parents just let you go climb 'em
so you just climb and climb and climb...
and you didn't hope to get down as you stared into a far distance...

oh, dear,
what was it that made you get up there
all this time?

and, you got to remember this part where you think that the ground is so
DANGEROUS!~!~!~...~!~!~!
you just imagined
lava, flood, and the insane creatures from the nightmares
that you just don't hope to name 'em at all...
you were afraid of so many things that only you knew...

dissolving f e a r again and again...

believing in
the power of
L. O. V. E.

well,
well,
well...

how did you get through it all?
hmmm...

Dad told you how to switch on the light after 11 months of getting on Earth...

you love to click on the light,
and yelled 'L - I - G - H - T!' 'light!' 'LIGHT AHHH!'
then, you also know how to switch on the fan and screamed 'F - A - N!' 'fan!' 'FAN AHHH!'

how cute, how happy, how curious...
your family is so happy that you're adapting to the physical world on Earth so fast...

you're happy too...
'Cause you got to dive yourself into all the
FAIRY TALES that ~w~a~r~m~e~d~ your small lil' heart right there

when you were around one years old.

you
were such a sweetheart.
are you, still?

you saw the pictures of yourself
with the smile slowly fading...
and you said 'Oh Gosh, I'm not the emo kid, please!''

lucky for you,
you did have the moments
when you smiled the brightest...

but erm...
you could reconsider
the ways
you just hug and strangle the others
at the same time...
maybe?

yet,
more things of yours sort of scared the whole family...
the ways you just happened to draw
biomedical devices since you were 5 years old
after the minor surgery
that the others were kept on asking you 'bout the physical pain
while you only remembered how you panicked
as you were being pushed into the operating room with extremely bright white lights
then, the surgeon handed you a glove with air being pumped saying that Mummy's inside
but you weren't dumb...
you were just young...
never mind.
you had monologues playing in your mind, '
I could play along... '
you turned 'em into dialogues,
'Mummy... Daddy... Ah Ma... inside... okay...'

you hugged the glove so tightly...

trying not to let the eyelids shut...

yet...

S
L
O
W
L
Y

you became

unconscious...

then, you remembered 'bout most things that happened in between too...

maybe playing with someone...

maybe having Mummy's new doll for you...

maybe having ice cream...

that exact same night appeared in your therapeutic sessions for healing so many times...
you just stared at the only light source in the darkest room
while you hear the other kids crying in the other rooms...

you knew that there's nobody as Mummy isn't allowed to be in after a while...
you knew that Daddy's working hard for what's needed for you at that time...
you knew that the nurses would only stay for 6 seconds for the longest peek at night...

so,

you

actually

did NOT

understand

why were you staring at the source of LIGHT...

what were you looking at?

why are you always looking far?

where do you really belong?

you didn't even remember
if you've slept or not...
but you just happened to remember
the way you stared into the the light out of the door on the left
while the nurses or doctors just do something or yawn
during their night shifts

you were thinking of the insane things & said you wanted to create the medical devices
just because of that incident?
but then, you remembered that you've always wanted to do so
but that incident
might have made you felt in a way that
you really have to do so
to not let any other living souls
go through the same pain...

if there seems to be an Ꝏ infinite amount of 'whatever' to solve all at once,
we could also b - r - e - a - k an infinite amount of those
into
an O O undefined number that wouldn't branch
or lessen the suffer one way or another... in any other ways...

like,

any

ways...

but you only knew that
there were Doctors or Specialists back then...
so, your Dad bought you toy stethoscope, medical robes and more to play with...
you were thinking 'bout the more amazing and useful ways while you were having fun
finding flaws and fixing 'em

telling yourself to

grow faster
grow stronger
grow wiser

for the people, you said, for the living souls...
then, you found out about
'biomedical engineering'
as a teenager?
but, let us get back to being the 5-year-old kid for a while...

NOW & then?

your family still didn't know if you could make it
but they've always been supportive with the devices and resources needed
while you also work your way up to gain yours in your ways.

they're also worried about you
as you seemed so flawed and flawless at the same time
you could be suddenly falling, but suddenly rising up?

it's as if the person within you is always
and, I do mean that you were just always... having...
entirely different moods, actions and thoughts...

THANK YOU

for being able to still
grow healthily, happily and bounce back
again and again...

so,
were you a sweetheart
or a cold-hearted saboteur?
you remembered...
you didn't get into the magical world to be serious,
but you got here to have fun...

it's been a long time coming
that you've forgotten it all
when some gave you words sharper
than ketupats' edges
while everyone's saying 'show mercy' and all...
you wonder why not just 'be the ones who deserve and share love as equals', that's all?

you've forgotten all the ways
that you had so much fun with
everything and anything at all.

you've asked this again and again
but you never stop questioning yourself,

{ why are you so stuck in such a broken matrix, still? }
{ when you knew that you could break free from anything all along? }
{ is it supposed to be for anyone else, but you? }

It was.

but where's that tiny lil' fairy in you?
hidden deep inside the frozen palace of your heart,
shivering still.

have you ever thought in ways that you're the one who's supposed to show them?
Show them how to break free!
how to play with wands and potions,
with any emotions.

someone had been doing it?
great!

go meet them,
enjoy what's the same!
for what's different,
we could co-exist, right?
we could break free, right?

break free...
break free from what?
from exactly what's in your M I N D this attosecond.
all of that
in your M I N D right now.

no, no, no.
don't escape from what you're visualising.
whatever the subconscious mind and unconscious mind are telling
something that's hidden within your calling
for all time,
always.

what do you see?
what are you breaking free from?

you know how, right?
you know EXACTLY how with all the details because
you're a Mastermind.

once broken,
we could fix this together
anytime with love

as long as you dissolve all the fear
with lots and lots of
undistorted love.

so,
do you still remember
how to fly as a fairy now?

***

'{ why are you so stuck in such a broken matrix, still? }
{ when you knew that you could break free from anything all along? }
{ is it supposed to be for anyone else, but you? }

It was.

but where's that tiny lil' fairy in you?
hidden deep inside the frozen palace of your heart,
shivering still.'

with love,
૮ℓเσɳα Chee Pui Khei 徐𣳽琪,
creating mental health tech at toplove.tech,
g️️athering resources at mentalhealthengineering.com public squad

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